Charming Charlie & the Monkey

Charlie: "Ms. Sefcik, you have a giant apple on your desk. OH! You're a TEACHER, and you have a giant APPLE on your desk. I never got that before..."


Game: You have to answer questions about the Civil War. If you get it right, you get to go again. If you get it wrong, you have to spin the Roulette wheel (which is covered in tiny pictures of guns and a few 'extra life' coupons). If you land on a gun, you're out.

Question 1: "What was the bloodiest battle of the Civil War?"

Harrison: "Antietam."

Sean: "Correct!"

Question 2: "What was the first battle of the Civil War?"

Charlie: (pause) "Just give me the thing."(reaching for the Roulette wheel)

Harrison: "No. You have to try."

Charlie: "......"

Me: "Charlie, just try. Name any battle of the Civil War."

Charlie: "......"

Sean: "Man. I just said what the bloodiest battle of the Civil War was. Like, just said it."

Charlie: ".....uhhhhh...."

Jake: "Just give him the wheel so we can keep going."

Charlie: (spins the wheel and it lands on....Extra Life) "hahaha."

Sean: "This is not justice!"

Charlie: "Hahaha. Yeah. That's really not fair. Haha."


(meanwhile, by my desk)


Monkey: "temperature. temp-er-ature. temperature. tem-per-a-ture." (sees me looking at her) Hahahaha."

(and later)

Monkey: "I feel like I'm not really here. Like I'm in an alternate reality."

Me: "I know the feeling."

Monkey: "Like, is this really happening?"

Me: "We don't know."

Monkey: "What is reality?"

Love this girl.

On Shakespeare...

Allison: "What are we doing today in class?"
Me: "We're going to read Act 4."
Students: "Ungghhh."
Me: "Oh, and I just want to warn you, we're going to be reading some bad words today."
Students: (visibly perk up) "Really?"
Me: "Yes."

(five minutes later)

Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall not live; look, with a spot I damn him.' He he he."

Braden: "I want to say the bad word, too!"

Kyle: "Too bad."

Me: "Do you all want to say the bad word?"

Students: "YES!"

Me: "Okay, everybody say this line: 'with a spot I damn him.'"

Students: "With a spot I DAMN him."

Me: "See?! Shakespeare is fun!"

Bob: "I like Shakespeare a lot more now."

Katie: "I feel like a rebel."

(another five minutes later)


Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall but bear them as the ass (snicker) bears gold....then we take down his load
and turn him off Like to the empty ass'...hahaha...I'm sorry, Ms. Sefcik...hhahaha."

Me: "Okay, everybody say it."

Students: "Like to the empty ASS!"

Me: "Don't ever say that Shakespeare wasn't great!"

Holly: "What if Mr. Wempe walked down the hall right outside our room just then?"

Me: "We are studying a great work of art and literature. This is totally legit."

Nick: "You shouldn't say 'legit', Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "I am. Legit. So, what is Antony saying here about Lepidus? What do you do with a donkey once
you've taken off its load?"

Sarah: "You kill it and eat it!"

Me: "What?! No! What kind of horse people are you?"

John: "We're Southern!"


(earlier in the play)

Brad: (as Cassius) "'And when the cross-blue lightning seemed to open the.....breast.....of heaven....(snort, snicker, giggle"

Me: "Okay, Brad, pull it together."

Students: "Hahahahahaha."

Me: "Come on, guys, it's not that funny."

Steve: "He said 'breast!' That's funny!"

Kyle: "HAHAHAHAHA you just said it, too!"

Me: "Oh my god."

Richard: "Ms. Sefcik, it's like a regular Girls Gone Wild episode in here."

Me: "You guys don't laugh at Shakespeare's actual jokes, but you're going to laugh at the word 'breast'?"

Students: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Me: "I give up."


(last period of the day)

In the humorous words of Shakespeare, "ho" is one of the most banal during Shakespeare's time, yet one of the most hilarious for my students. They deliver this word, "ho," not as it is intended (which is to mean "hey there--everybody listen!") but instead as an address--"Hey, 'ho!" or "What's up, my 'ho?"

Sean: (as Cassius) "Stand, 'ho."

Kyle: (as Brutus) "Stand, 'ho."

Students (as soldiers): "Hey, 'ho!" "Ho!" "Stand!"