On Shakespeare...

Allison: "What are we doing today in class?"
Me: "We're going to read Act 4."
Students: "Ungghhh."
Me: "Oh, and I just want to warn you, we're going to be reading some bad words today."
Students: (visibly perk up) "Really?"
Me: "Yes."

(five minutes later)

Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall not live; look, with a spot I damn him.' He he he."

Braden: "I want to say the bad word, too!"

Kyle: "Too bad."

Me: "Do you all want to say the bad word?"

Students: "YES!"

Me: "Okay, everybody say this line: 'with a spot I damn him.'"

Students: "With a spot I DAMN him."

Me: "See?! Shakespeare is fun!"

Bob: "I like Shakespeare a lot more now."

Katie: "I feel like a rebel."

(another five minutes later)


Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall but bear them as the ass (snicker) bears gold....then we take down his load
and turn him off Like to the empty ass'...hahaha...I'm sorry, Ms. Sefcik...hhahaha."

Me: "Okay, everybody say it."

Students: "Like to the empty ASS!"

Me: "Don't ever say that Shakespeare wasn't great!"

Holly: "What if Mr. Wempe walked down the hall right outside our room just then?"

Me: "We are studying a great work of art and literature. This is totally legit."

Nick: "You shouldn't say 'legit', Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "I am. Legit. So, what is Antony saying here about Lepidus? What do you do with a donkey once
you've taken off its load?"

Sarah: "You kill it and eat it!"

Me: "What?! No! What kind of horse people are you?"

John: "We're Southern!"


(earlier in the play)

Brad: (as Cassius) "'And when the cross-blue lightning seemed to open the.....breast.....of heaven....(snort, snicker, giggle"

Me: "Okay, Brad, pull it together."

Students: "Hahahahahaha."

Me: "Come on, guys, it's not that funny."

Steve: "He said 'breast!' That's funny!"

Kyle: "HAHAHAHAHA you just said it, too!"

Me: "Oh my god."

Richard: "Ms. Sefcik, it's like a regular Girls Gone Wild episode in here."

Me: "You guys don't laugh at Shakespeare's actual jokes, but you're going to laugh at the word 'breast'?"

Students: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Me: "I give up."


(last period of the day)

In the humorous words of Shakespeare, "ho" is one of the most banal during Shakespeare's time, yet one of the most hilarious for my students. They deliver this word, "ho," not as it is intended (which is to mean "hey there--everybody listen!") but instead as an address--"Hey, 'ho!" or "What's up, my 'ho?"

Sean: (as Cassius) "Stand, 'ho."

Kyle: (as Brutus) "Stand, 'ho."

Students (as soldiers): "Hey, 'ho!" "Ho!" "Stand!"