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This blog is now located at www.isitsummeryet.org. All of my posts have been compiled with my other travel blog posts, consolidating all of my writing in one place with a brand-spankin' new domain!

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On Being Divergent....

The students have been assigned a book trailer for Divergent. It's like a movie trailer, but made about a book. They've had a lot of interesting insights so far on the book and its many themes.

Bob: "Can we ask homeless people to be in our video? Like, as the factionless?"

Me: (severe tone) "Use your good judgment, Bob."

Bob: (thinks for a second, then turns to his group) "Let's do it!"

and later...

Bob: "Are we allowed to have guns in our video?"

Me: "Um, I don't care, but if you use guns, you HAVE to ask your parents first."

Bob: (haha) "Yeah, okay." (eye roll)

Me: "I will find out if you didn't ask your parents first."

Bob: "Uh, sure."

Me: "Seriously."

Bob: "Okay-ay." (smirks at friends)

Me: "If I see a gun in your video, I will call your parents and ask them if they were aware you were using one."

Bob: (stops) "Oh. Well. Okay then."

Me: "What assumption are we supposed to always be operating under?"

Bob: "Ms. Sefcik is smarter than we are."

Me: "That's the one."


(handing out papers)

Nick: (seeing that James has earned a 100) "James, you're such a nerd."

James: "Sorry."

Me: "What?! Don't apologize for doing well. What kind of friends are you?"

Nick: "The kind that bring him down so that he can pick himself back up."

James: "It just hurts."


During afternoon study hall:
(a roll of pink duct tape has surfaced in the back of the room)

Me: (looking over at a girl who now has a mouth covered in pink duct tape) "HEY!"

(both boys look up midway to putting another piece of duct tape on the girl)

Dan: "Yeah?"

Me: "Whose duct tape is that?"

Dan: (points at Hilary) "It's hers."

Me: "Oh. Okay."

(they continue)

(a few minutes later)

Hilary: "Mmmmeehhhharmmmmmmm!"

Me: (look up) "Oh my god!"

(Jack's head is now wrapped with duct tape)

Hilary: (rips off her tape) "You're ripping out his fro!"

Dan: "Oh, man. Haha--look at those little hairs!" (shows another boy the tape he just took off Jack's head)

Jack: "Rwmarrrahh!"

Dan: "Good thing his mouth was taped shut. I'm pretty sure that was a bad word."

Me: "Okay. Given Hilary back her tape. We're done now."

Jack: (pulls tape partway off his mouth) "Wait! Can he please tape my legs first?"

Me: "You're so weird. Why do you want him to tape your legs?"

Jack: (Jack and Dan look at each other) "Because it's fun." (obviously)

They Found Me Out...

It was inevitable, but the students have finally found the blog.

Jessie: "Ms. Sefcik, I'm reading your blog."

Me: "Oh boy."

Jessie: "I wasn't going to look it up because it was too much work, but Bobby had already pulled it up on my iPad, so now I'm reading it."

Me: "I'm so happy for you."

Jessie: (2 minutes later): "Wow, Ms. Sefcik, you write down everything."

(enter Layne)

Layne: "What are you doing?"

Jessie: "Reading Ms. Sefcik's blog."

Layne: "I should be on this literary map, Ms. Sefcik, because I'm in your blog so much. You should put a town in this section called 'Layne.'"

Me: "What would I do without you?"


(later)

Jones: "OMG--Ms. Sefcik cussed on her blog!"

Me: "What? Surely not."

Cade: "YES SHE DID. OMG LOOK AT THIS--she said 'SHIT.'"

Jones: "I'm pretty sure you could get fired for saying that."

Me: "Umm, I'm pretty sure I can't."

Jones: "I don't know, Ms. Sefcik, that's a naughty word."

Me: "It's my blog. It has nothing to do with school. Well, except that it's about school. But that's it!"


Katie: "What's my name in the blog?"

Me: "Well, I usually switch up your names so that no one's identifiable. Except Layne. She's always the same."

Layne: "HA! It's because I'm so awesome, right?"

Me: "Uh, yeah. That's the reason."

Katie: "Well, what's one of my names?"

Me: "Let's see--here, you're 'Holly.'"

Katie: "I don't like that name. Can you give me a different name?"

Me: "Uh..."

Nate: "Yeah, Ms. Sefcik, can I be 'Blade'?"

Huck: "Oooh, I want to be 'Spider.'"

Me: "Okay, now this is just---"

Chris: "The TERMINATOR!"

Me: "--ridiculous. I am not spending my whole day writing you all new names in my blog."

On whorehouses...

Brandon: "Shouldn't they make bacon deodorant?"
Maggie: "Ew that's disgusting!"
Brandon: "Bacon. It's BAY-con. Everybody likes bacon!"

Me: "I want you to rewrite or revise your essay from this morning's exam."
Students: "No! WHAT?! But we just wrote it......And we don't want.....But we can't.....ARGHH......Nooooooooooooooowahpleeeeeeeeeeeease!"
Me: "Wow. That was...."
Kate: "But Ms. Sefcik, we wrote alllllll morning."
Me: "You wrote for 45 minutes."
James: "Okay. Ms. Sefcik, look at it this way."
Me: "Okay."
James: "....."
Me: "What?"
James: "Uh, that we don't want to write right now."
Nick: "I don't have my rough draft."
Me: "I know that. None of you have a rough draft. I'm asking you to write from memory of what you already did this morning."
Greg: "How am I supposed to remember that?"
Me: "Is your brain a spaghetti strainer? How do you not remember something you wrote four hours ago?"
Greg: "Uhhh."
Vicky: "How long does it have to be?"
Me: "Your essay tomorrow? It should be 2-2.5 pages."
Vicky: "No, what we're doing right now."
Me: "Don't worry about length, just start writing."
Vicky: "Gah."
Nick: "So....are we getting back our rough drafts?"
Me: "NO!"

(after more long, drawn out whining)

Me: "Attention. This is not an extra assignment. This is not a debate. I am not asking you if you want to write. I am telling you what we are doing in class today and this is it! Now, I want everyone to buckle down and write something and I don't want to hear any more whining!"
Adam: "Why are you staring at me?! I didn't do anything!"
Me: "I'm not staring at you. Okay, I was staring at you, but I just needed someone to look at. Ugh--"
Huck: "Look! She's trying not to laugh."
Me: "I am NOT amused. I'm just laughing because I'm so frustrated right now."
Zach: "Oh. Well, next time, can you give us some kind of warning when you're getting angry so that we know to stop?"
Me: (mouth drops) "Whaa? I just yelled at you!"
Students: "Hahaha."
Zach: "Just now?"
Me: "Yes, literally just now."
Zach: "That was your yelling?"
Me: "Yes, that was me being angry. Didn't anyone feel threatened and reprimanded?"
Katie: "Ummm, oh, yeah, that was great."
Layne: "She's so adorable."
Me: "Unbelievable."
Jack: "She said 'whorehouse' in history class today."
Me: "How is that relevant?"
Jessie: "Whorehouse? Is that the politically correct term?"
Me: "Hmm, maybe 'brothel' is more politically correct. I'm not sure."
Brian: "Hey, Ms. Sefcik, look at this!"

Me: "You broke my dictionary!"

Brian: "No, I swear!"

Kyle: "Haha, Andrew's probably looking up a word like 'octopus.'"

Holly: "That wasn't funny. Why did you say that?"

Brian: "Hey look--'bastard' doesn't mean a kid without a dad. It means an illegitimate child."

Me: "Well, that kind of means the same thing. Like a child whose parents weren't married or when the father has run off for some reason."

Beth: "Oh no! That's me! Is that bad?"

Me: (mentally: *&&$$^^) "Uh, no, of course not. And that word really isn't used like that anymore anyway. It originated in Medieval times like when the King had a child before he was married to the queen and the child usually lived in the castle with them anyway and words change and oh--like in King Lear with Edmund and Edgar but you don't know that example but I swear you shouldn't worry about it it really has no bearing on our lives today."

Beth: "But....it sounds bad."

Me: "Well, people use 'bastard' toward other people today in a bad way, but not with the same meaning that it used to have. Now it's more an insult without the fatherless connotation. There are other words like that, like...well

On SuperPowers....

Write: My super alter ego would be...


Mike: "Moolah Man. He shoots quarters from his gun and also whips people with his hundred dollar rope."
James: "Can I be McMuffin? I mean, McLovin?"
Me: "Sure, McMuffin."
Kyle: "No, Ms. Sefcik, it's McLovin. Did you ever see Superbad?"
Me: "Yeah, I know the--he just said...never mind. James, what's your superpower?"
James: "So, I have a fake ID and I go around buying stuff for underage people."
Huck: "Dude. That's not a superhero--that's a drug dealer."
Me: "Okay, moving on from the drug--"
James: "McDruggin! I'm McDruggin!"

Me: "Chris, that's not the assignment."
Chris: "Yes, it is."
Me: "Umm, what's your superpower?"
Chris: "Rebirth."
Me: "haha."
Nick: "What did he write?"
Me: "Read what you wrote so far."
Chris: "I am a Christian and I worship God and Jesus."
Kate: "What did he say?"
Gloria: "He's a Christian."
Kate: "What's his superpower?"
Chris: "My superpower would be rebirth, so I could chase bad guys and I could get shot and then I'd come bak to life, like, after a day."
(pause)
Kate: "You'd come to life after a day?"
Chris: "Yeah."
Kate: "What about the bad guys you were chasing? You'd never catch any bad guys?"
Chris: "Oh. Uh, maybe we should make that like 20 seconds. And my name would be 'Jesus' but pronounced HAY-Zeus. You know, like Jesus. But the Spanish version."

Me: "Ok, Peter, what's your superpower?"
Peter: "I'm C-man. GAH!"
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
George: "Mr. Semen?"
Peter: "Oh man, I didn't notice that before."
Huck: "Hahaha, never fear, Semen is here!"
Peter: "I'm C-man for Communism--I mean Comedy! I make people laugh and confuse them and then I punch them in the nose and spray them with Gorilla glue."
Victor: (under his breath) "Are you sure it's Gorilla--"
Me: "OKAY. I think we all realize now the many perils that must be considered when creating and naming a superhero."

Jazz: "Can we be you? Like, our superpower is assigning essays?"
Me: "Is that all I can do? My superpower has to be handing out essays?"
Holly: "Haha, the Stephatron!"
Jazz: "9,000 more essays!"
Holly: "She beats children."
Kate: "She uses the essays to give people paper cuts."
Me: "Owww, that's nasty. You guys make me sound like some horribly abusive person."
Students: "....."
Me: "Just don't share these stories."

Tate: "Shhhhh."
Joe: "Stop shooing me."
Tate: "It's shushing, not shooing."
Joe: "It's shhhhhh-ooing."
Tate: "That's.....just not right."

Brandon: "My superhero alter ago would be Stefanotron, where he turns into a homosexual and gives people fashion advice."

Layne: "My name would be SefcikHater and I would crush Ms. Sefcik's dreams so that she couldn't give us any more work. And I would burn all of the Harry Potter books. And J.K. Rowling, so that she couldn't write any more."
Me: "Wow. That's...harsh."
Layne: "Life is hard, Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "Andy, what about you?"
Andy: (holds up his paper) "I'm Blank Paper Bob. I make papers blank, like this one."
Me: "Hahaha. Touche."

Blake: "I'm Danny the Dingo."
Me: "And your superpower?"
Blake: "Um, I don't really know what dingos do."
Harris: "I thought a dingo was a kangaroo."
Blake: "No, stupid, a kangaroo is a kangaroo."

On Family Matters...

So, it's spring break, I'm home with the family, and things....are


Shake Weight
Mom: Look at this new weight I got!

Stacey: You bought a shake weight?

Me: Hahaha when are you going to use that?

Mom: I'll use it all the time.

Me: I doubt that. How much do you use your other exercise equipment? When's the last time you hung upside down on that inversion table.

Mom: You should see other women my age. Plus, it says six minutes a day equals 45 minutes of using dumbbells at the gym.

Me: Yeah, you're fit. But I don't think you'll use the shake weight.

Stacey: No one can look good doing that.

Me: There was a group of kids who came to school in Harlem Globetrotters costumes and carrying shake weights. They were the Harlem Shake. hahahaha, get it?

Mom: Here--there's a DVD that goes with it. Look, I'll put it in right now.

(DVD with an unbelievable buff guy named "Matusse" begins)

DVD: Stand ready with your hips stable and your feet hip-distance apart...

Mom: (assumes the position) See? I can do this.

DVD: grasp the weight firmly in front of your chest and shake it vigorously back and forth.

Mom: (after approx. 35 seconds) Ugh. I can't do this anymore.

Me: What?! You've got 5 and half minutes to go!

Mom: I'm working my way up to it.

(leaves room)

Me: (pick up weight) Whatever. I bet I could do this. (shaking weight above my head)

Stacey: Hahaha you look like an idiot.

Me: (making a face and shaking it in front of my chest with both hands before promptly hitting myself in the face) ARGHhhhh!

Stacey: Ahahahahahaha--

Me: Ow.

Stacey: --hahahahahaahahahahaha

(later)

Me: (holding up the direction sheet) Did you know this comes with directions?

Stacey: What does it say?

Me: It says I'm an idiot.

Should have read this first.

You, too, can glisten like this guy.

Later that night, we came together to discuss the renovations we're doing on the cabin in Canada, which so far has led to tears, frustration,

Mom: Can someone go get more Reese's peanut butter cups? Cause I think we're gonna need 'em.

Stacey: Did you have too much to drink?

Dad: Yeah, too much raspberry lemonade.

Stacey: Okay, do you like the plank-style Hardiboard for the siding?

Mom: I like that, but not too green. I don't want it to be too green.

Stacey: Okay.

Mom: I think I'm gonna need foot surgery.

(I go to soundsleeping.com and put on the creek/thunderstorm mixer, which pipes delightful nature sounds through my computer...essentially taking me to my happy place.)

Dad: Turn that off.

Me: No. I find it relaxing.

(I sip my chai tea through a big pink straw)

Stacey: Ugh, how can you drink through those giant straws?

Mom: We'll buy more straws! I told you we would get more.

Me: I am impervious to your attempts to drag me from my happy place.

Mom: (in the silverware drawer) Who needs a straw? I have more in here.

Stacey: No one needs a straw.

Me: Da-da-nah-nahhhh! Fork!


And later...while looking at faucets on Home Depot, Mom sits down to search for vanities.

Mom: Here, can this computer Google? (points to the Home Depot faucet page)

Stacey: No, it can only Home Depot.

On Tax Refunds....

My class was working in the library on Thursday, writing essays, doing like we do, when I happened to log on to Wells Fargo to check my bank account and--

Me: "Woooooooo!"

Students: (shocked, look at me)

Me: (double fist pump) "I just got my tax refund!"

Jake: "Your what?"

Me: "My tax refund, YEAH!"

Kate: "Ms. Sefcik! This is the library!"

Me: "But I--(dance around)--got my--(jump move)--tax--refunnnnnndddd!"

Greg: "So what does that mean?"

Me: "It means the government gave me money."

Sara: "Whoa! The government just gave you money? For free?"

Me: "Well, I mean, I paid the money in, but now they're giving it back to me."

Kate: "So, why did you pay more than you had to?"

Me: "Well.....I had to pay that then, and then I got to take deductions, so they recalculate what I owe--"

Greg: "Deductions? Wait, what do you mean they recalculated it?"

Me: "Okay, this is not..."

Kate: "So really, you just got back what you had already paid to begin with? That's it?"

Me: (frowny face) "This is supposed to be exciting. Really."

Me: Write the prompt oon the board please

Prompt What do you know about Benjamin Franklin? Make a list!

George: "Was Benjamin Frnaklin the guy with all of the bad diseases?

Me: "Do you mean syphilis? Yeah. He had the syph."

Jack: "How do you spell syphilis?"

Kylie: "What did you say? He was ticklish?"

George: "No, SYPHILIS."

Nate: (on a beat) "Syphilis, syph-, syph-, syph-, syphilis!"

On Guessing....

Diane: "What are we supposed to be doing right now?"

Me: "Work on your paper and find sources."

Diane: "What does that mean? I don't know what to do."

Me: "Well, what have you done so far?"

Diane: "I need some more info, because I'm trying to make my outline, but I don't have enough info yet."

Me: "Okay.

Diane: "Noooo?! The project's due in 10 days. And Santa's coming to town."

Me: "......"

oh my gosh. Emily felt my head and she says I have a fever. I can kinda feel it."

Me: "......." 

Diane: "It's okay, though. Okay. A: My first question is what do we put in our introduction?"

Pete: "Ms. Sefcik? Me and Kole are twins. We think the exact same--"

Kole: "Potatoes."

(silence)

Me: "Was that supposed to finish his sentence?"

Kole: "I took a chance."

On the iPad cart...

Me: "Okay, we're working with the iPads today, but I need everyone to be really, really careful because Mr. Propper's class is using them and they need to go in the exact same slots on the cart. Oh! I know--I'll put sticky notes on each slot when you take them so that you know where to put them back."

(I proceed to painstakingly write out sticky notes for each iPad, hand them out one at a time, and organize all of the chargers on the cart)

(30 minutes later)

Me: "Oh my god! Who left this iPad on top of the cart? Whose is this?" (looking around--confused--because everyone seems to still have an iPad) "Someone put this here--who is missing an iPad?"

Layne: "It wasn't me."

Rich: "Well, I went to put mine back, but someone else's was already in my spot, so I put my first one back somewhere else."

Me: "What?!" 

Katie: "Well, Rich's was in my spot, so I moved his and put mine back, but then I needed another one, so I took one that was already on there."

Me: "Ok....so which one is this?"

Students: "............."

Me: "Did you people not notice that I was labeling all of these spots with your names? Didn't you think that was important?"

Post-it notes labeling student slots

Katie: "Ummm...."

Me: "Okay, just pay attention to where you're putting them."

Grace: "Ms. Sefcik? Can our essay be due after spring break? Pleeeeeease?"

Me: "Haha no."

Grace: "But we have soooooo many tests this weeeeeek."

Me: "You would NOT be happy if you had to write an essay over spring break. Trust me."

Carrie: "No, I promise, we would love you!"

Me: "If you guys would stop arguing with me about the due date and just write the essay, you would be halfway done already." 

Grace: "But Ms. Seffffciikkkkkkk, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

Me: "No! N-O!"

Grace: "--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

Me: "Grace. It is two pages. Double-spaced."

Grace: "Yeah, but--"

Me: "And I gave you an outline that is LITERALLY a full page long. So all you have to do is write one extra page to fill in the outline."

Grace: (ponders for a moment) "But pleeeeeeeease!"

(meanwhile, in the front of the room)

 I killed one.

Me: "You okay there?"

Katie: "Ms. Sefcik, I can't think anymore. My brain hurts."

Me: "Eh, that just means it's on and working." 

(ten minutes later)

Tate: "Ms. Sefcik, look! We built a Fort of Knowledge!"

Me: "Is that really necessary?"

Tate: "Yes! I can only write my essay in the Fort of Knowledge."

Me: "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!"

Tate: "huh?"

Katie: "What?"

Me: "Spamalot."

(stares)

Me: "No? No Spamalot fans? Okay, then."

Fort of Knowledge