They Found Me Out...

It was inevitable, but the students have finally found the blog.

Jessie: "Ms. Sefcik, I'm reading your blog."

Me: "Oh boy."

Jessie: "I wasn't going to look it up because it was too much work, but Bobby had already pulled it up on my iPad, so now I'm reading it."

Me: "I'm so happy for you."

Jessie: (2 minutes later): "Wow, Ms. Sefcik, you write down everything."

(enter Layne)

Layne: "What are you doing?"

Jessie: "Reading Ms. Sefcik's blog."

Layne: "I should be on this literary map, Ms. Sefcik, because I'm in your blog so much. You should put a town in this section called 'Layne.'"

Me: "What would I do without you?"


(later)

Jones: "OMG--Ms. Sefcik cussed on her blog!"

Me: "What? Surely not."

Cade: "YES SHE DID. OMG LOOK AT THIS--she said 'SHIT.'"

Jones: "I'm pretty sure you could get fired for saying that."

Me: "Umm, I'm pretty sure I can't."

Jones: "I don't know, Ms. Sefcik, that's a naughty word."

Me: "It's my blog. It has nothing to do with school. Well, except that it's about school. But that's it!"


Katie: "What's my name in the blog?"

Me: "Well, I usually switch up your names so that no one's identifiable. Except Layne. She's always the same."

Layne: "HA! It's because I'm so awesome, right?"

Me: "Uh, yeah. That's the reason."

Katie: "Well, what's one of my names?"

Me: "Let's see--here, you're 'Holly.'"

Katie: "I don't like that name. Can you give me a different name?"

Me: "Uh..."

Nate: "Yeah, Ms. Sefcik, can I be 'Blade'?"

Huck: "Oooh, I want to be 'Spider.'"

Me: "Okay, now this is just---"

Chris: "The TERMINATOR!"

Me: "--ridiculous. I am not spending my whole day writing you all new names in my blog."

On whorehouses...

Brandon: "Shouldn't they make bacon deodorant?"
Maggie: "Ew that's disgusting!"
Brandon: "Bacon. It's BAY-con. Everybody likes bacon!"

Me: "I want you to rewrite or revise your essay from this morning's exam."
Students: "No! WHAT?! But we just wrote it......And we don't want.....But we can't.....ARGHH......Nooooooooooooooowahpleeeeeeeeeeeease!"
Me: "Wow. That was...."
Kate: "But Ms. Sefcik, we wrote alllllll morning."
Me: "You wrote for 45 minutes."
James: "Okay. Ms. Sefcik, look at it this way."
Me: "Okay."
James: "....."
Me: "What?"
James: "Uh, that we don't want to write right now."
Nick: "I don't have my rough draft."
Me: "I know that. None of you have a rough draft. I'm asking you to write from memory of what you already did this morning."
Greg: "How am I supposed to remember that?"
Me: "Is your brain a spaghetti strainer? How do you not remember something you wrote four hours ago?"
Greg: "Uhhh."
Vicky: "How long does it have to be?"
Me: "Your essay tomorrow? It should be 2-2.5 pages."
Vicky: "No, what we're doing right now."
Me: "Don't worry about length, just start writing."
Vicky: "Gah."
Nick: "So....are we getting back our rough drafts?"
Me: "NO!"

(after more long, drawn out whining)

Me: "Attention. This is not an extra assignment. This is not a debate. I am not asking you if you want to write. I am telling you what we are doing in class today and this is it! Now, I want everyone to buckle down and write something and I don't want to hear any more whining!"
Adam: "Why are you staring at me?! I didn't do anything!"
Me: "I'm not staring at you. Okay, I was staring at you, but I just needed someone to look at. Ugh--"
Huck: "Look! She's trying not to laugh."
Me: "I am NOT amused. I'm just laughing because I'm so frustrated right now."
Zach: "Oh. Well, next time, can you give us some kind of warning when you're getting angry so that we know to stop?"
Me: (mouth drops) "Whaa? I just yelled at you!"
Students: "Hahaha."
Zach: "Just now?"
Me: "Yes, literally just now."
Zach: "That was your yelling?"
Me: "Yes, that was me being angry. Didn't anyone feel threatened and reprimanded?"
Katie: "Ummm, oh, yeah, that was great."
Layne: "She's so adorable."
Me: "Unbelievable."
Jack: "She said 'whorehouse' in history class today."
Me: "How is that relevant?"
Jessie: "Whorehouse? Is that the politically correct term?"
Me: "Hmm, maybe 'brothel' is more politically correct. I'm not sure."
Brian: "Hey, Ms. Sefcik, look at this!"

Me: "You broke my dictionary!"

Brian: "No, I swear!"

Kyle: "Haha, Andrew's probably looking up a word like 'octopus.'"

Holly: "That wasn't funny. Why did you say that?"

Brian: "Hey look--'bastard' doesn't mean a kid without a dad. It means an illegitimate child."

Me: "Well, that kind of means the same thing. Like a child whose parents weren't married or when the father has run off for some reason."

Beth: "Oh no! That's me! Is that bad?"

Me: (mentally: *&&$$^^) "Uh, no, of course not. And that word really isn't used like that anymore anyway. It originated in Medieval times like when the King had a child before he was married to the queen and the child usually lived in the castle with them anyway and words change and oh--like in King Lear with Edmund and Edgar but you don't know that example but I swear you shouldn't worry about it it really has no bearing on our lives today."

Beth: "But....it sounds bad."

Me: "Well, people use 'bastard' toward other people today in a bad way, but not with the same meaning that it used to have. Now it's more an insult without the fatherless connotation. There are other words like that, like...well

On SuperPowers....

Write: My super alter ego would be...


Mike: "Moolah Man. He shoots quarters from his gun and also whips people with his hundred dollar rope."
James: "Can I be McMuffin? I mean, McLovin?"
Me: "Sure, McMuffin."
Kyle: "No, Ms. Sefcik, it's McLovin. Did you ever see Superbad?"
Me: "Yeah, I know the--he just said...never mind. James, what's your superpower?"
James: "So, I have a fake ID and I go around buying stuff for underage people."
Huck: "Dude. That's not a superhero--that's a drug dealer."
Me: "Okay, moving on from the drug--"
James: "McDruggin! I'm McDruggin!"

Me: "Chris, that's not the assignment."
Chris: "Yes, it is."
Me: "Umm, what's your superpower?"
Chris: "Rebirth."
Me: "haha."
Nick: "What did he write?"
Me: "Read what you wrote so far."
Chris: "I am a Christian and I worship God and Jesus."
Kate: "What did he say?"
Gloria: "He's a Christian."
Kate: "What's his superpower?"
Chris: "My superpower would be rebirth, so I could chase bad guys and I could get shot and then I'd come bak to life, like, after a day."
(pause)
Kate: "You'd come to life after a day?"
Chris: "Yeah."
Kate: "What about the bad guys you were chasing? You'd never catch any bad guys?"
Chris: "Oh. Uh, maybe we should make that like 20 seconds. And my name would be 'Jesus' but pronounced HAY-Zeus. You know, like Jesus. But the Spanish version."

Me: "Ok, Peter, what's your superpower?"
Peter: "I'm C-man. GAH!"
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
George: "Mr. Semen?"
Peter: "Oh man, I didn't notice that before."
Huck: "Hahaha, never fear, Semen is here!"
Peter: "I'm C-man for Communism--I mean Comedy! I make people laugh and confuse them and then I punch them in the nose and spray them with Gorilla glue."
Victor: (under his breath) "Are you sure it's Gorilla--"
Me: "OKAY. I think we all realize now the many perils that must be considered when creating and naming a superhero."

Jazz: "Can we be you? Like, our superpower is assigning essays?"
Me: "Is that all I can do? My superpower has to be handing out essays?"
Holly: "Haha, the Stephatron!"
Jazz: "9,000 more essays!"
Holly: "She beats children."
Kate: "She uses the essays to give people paper cuts."
Me: "Owww, that's nasty. You guys make me sound like some horribly abusive person."
Students: "....."
Me: "Just don't share these stories."

Tate: "Shhhhh."
Joe: "Stop shooing me."
Tate: "It's shushing, not shooing."
Joe: "It's shhhhhh-ooing."
Tate: "That's.....just not right."

Brandon: "My superhero alter ago would be Stefanotron, where he turns into a homosexual and gives people fashion advice."

Layne: "My name would be SefcikHater and I would crush Ms. Sefcik's dreams so that she couldn't give us any more work. And I would burn all of the Harry Potter books. And J.K. Rowling, so that she couldn't write any more."
Me: "Wow. That's...harsh."
Layne: "Life is hard, Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "Andy, what about you?"
Andy: (holds up his paper) "I'm Blank Paper Bob. I make papers blank, like this one."
Me: "Hahaha. Touche."

Blake: "I'm Danny the Dingo."
Me: "And your superpower?"
Blake: "Um, I don't really know what dingos do."
Harris: "I thought a dingo was a kangaroo."
Blake: "No, stupid, a kangaroo is a kangaroo."