The Stress Will Kill Us All

It's that time of year. Exams approach, and end of quarter projects are due. In my eighth-grade class, this means a 3-5 page research paper and a History test (which, actually, they are taking as I type this--the only moments of quiet I will have today as even my planning periods have been taken over by students asking about papers).

The thing about stress is that it grows with company. I can manage my own stress. I have my quiet time, my dog, my Netflix account, and a pretty good sense of time management. What I can't deal with is the stress of 65 eighth graders whose lives are ending because of three measly pages. It leaks out of them and suddenly I find myself with heartburn over someone's broken printer.

Causal Factor: far too much empathy for other people's stress.

Contributing Factor #1: my planning periods, which were my usual quiet time to recuperate and catch up on my work, are now gone.

Contributing Factor #2: students' stress leaks into their parents when they are home; this osmosis causes said parents to email me, which piles even more onto this already trembling, rickety bridge metaphor I have going here.

Contributing Factor #3: an excess amount of after-school holiday commitments leaves my evenings rushed, and again, missing that quiet alone time.

Some people take this opportunity to become larger-than-life dynamos--I imagine them to be like Italian New Yorkers in a pizza shop, simultaneously tossing the dough, stirring the sauce, and chopping the veggies, all while yelling orders across the kitchen. I admire these people. Someday, I want to be one of these people. These people are awesome. And a little scary.

Then, cowering under a serving table in the back room, there are the people who break apart completely and become shells of misinformation and distraction, as the two boys below have demonstrated this morning:

Chris: (runs into my room in between classes) "Do you have a ladder?"

Me: (sure that I've misheard) "A what? A ladder?"

Chris: "You know. (looks at me as if I'm the one who's not understanding) A ladder."

Me: "Um. Look around the room. Do you see a ladder?"

Chris: (just looks at me)

Me: "Chris. I don't have a ladder."

Chris: "But...my hackey sack is on the roof."

Me: "...Still don't have a ladder."

(same kid, later during that class period)

Chris: (comes to me as I'm handing out rough drafts) "I have an idea for how to get the hackey sacks off the roof."

Me: "That's great, but this is English class. We don't solve hackey sack problems in English class. Know what we do solve? Poor grammar. Can you please go work on your rough draft?"

(same kid, yet another 20 minutes later in class)

Chris: (stops working on his paper revision, comes up to my desk) "Ms. Sefcik, can I go to the office?"

Me: (warily) "Why?"

Chris: "Um, well, I need to ask Ms. J to call someone for me."

Me: "You need her to call someone?"

Chris: "Yeah, I need the maintenance department to do something for me."

Me: "For the last time. Forget about the hackey sack issue. Seriously."

Chris: (goes back to his desk and stares blankly at the ground)


Before the history test:

Me: "Okay, everybody listen up. There's one part of this test that I think might trip a few of you up, so I'm going to demonstrate right now. Look on the back page, where the matching section is. In order to use this with the scantron, I had to make the answer letters in combinations, so we have 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' 'D,' and 'E' first. Then, you see it starts with 'AB,' 'AC,' etc. If your answer choice has more than one letter, you just fill in both of those letters in that space."

(I go to the board)

Me: "Here--I'm going to draw you an example. If the answer to #45 is 'AB,' I fill in the 'A' bubble and the 'B' bubble. See?"

General Student population: "Okayyyy."

Me: "Is anyone confused?"

Greg: "I am."

Me: "Okay, what's confusing?"

Greg: "Everything."

Me: "Okay, which part do I need to explain more?"

Greg: "All of it."

(pause)

Me: "All righty then. Let's go ahead and start and if you have any questions, come ask me."




During the history test:

Greg: (holds out his test and scantron) "Can you explain this to me one more time? So, if the answer says 'AE,' we write 'A' and 'E'?"

Me: "Yep, that's how it works."

Greg: "Okay." (turns to go)

Me: "Wait!" (I pull his scantron sheet closer) "Did you do this in pen?"

Greg: "Uh. Yeah. Were we supposed to use pencil?"

Me: "Greg. It's a SCANTRON. Yes, you're supposed to use pencil. How many scantrons have you used in your life?"

Greg: "Um. A lot."

Me: "And have you ever, on any of those scantrons, used pen?"

Greg: "Uh. No."

Me: "So...?"

Greg: "I don't know."

On Skits in History....

Our history review today. Written by Me. Acted by my students. Hilarious for all involved.

ACT 1, SCENE 1—A Hypocrite

BILLY: Hey Susie!

SUSIE: Yeah, Billy?

BILLY: What do you think of this dude named Thomas Jefferson?

SUSIE: Well, I don’t know, Billy, he sure seems like a swell guy. I’m confused, though. Did he like slavery or not?

BILLY: Well, that’s not totally clear from his actions and policies. Let’s talk to him. Maybe he can clear all of this up. (Billy yells to door) Oh, TJ!

(TJ enters from doorway)

TJ: Here I come to save the day!

(Billy and Susie look at each other)

SUSIE: Umm, o-kayyy.

BILLY: Hey, Mr. TJ. We have a question for you. How did you feel about slavery?

TJ: Well, I owned over 200 slaves on my plantation called Monticello. I even had an affair with one of them named Sally Hemings. We had four children who lived to adulthood and I freed them all when they came of age. Three of our children entered white society as adults because they were 7/8 white. The Sally Hemings children were the only family to be freed from Monticello during my lifetime.

SUSIE: Whoa! I didn’t know that!

BILLY: Neither did I—so you mean you kept your children in slavery until they were 21?

TJ: Well….yes. But I did propose federal legislation banning slavery in the New Territories of the North and South, which only failed to pass in Congress by one vote. In 1807, I ended the importation of slaves into America.

SUSIE: Wow, Mr. TJ, you’re a confusing man.

TJ: Yes. Thank you.

(JASON enters from hallway)

BILLY: Oh, look, it’s Jason!

JASON: Hi friends!

SUSIE: Jason, this is Mr. Thomas Jefferson.

TJ: What up?

JASON: I’m just on my way to class. I want to be an architect when I grow up.

TJ: Oh, I’m an architect.

BILLY: What? I thought you were a slave-owner and politician.

TJ: I’m that, too. I helped design the layout of Washington, D.C., and I founded and designed the University of Virginia. I am multi-talented.

JASON: Wow! I love the layout of the University of Virginia! Who was your inspiration?

TJ: I’m really into this Italian designer named Palladio. I think about how I want my buildings to look, and I’m all—Roman and Greek stuff, yeah!

SUSIE: Like Neoclassicism.

BILLY: Like Nerdy-what?!

SUSIE: Neoclassicism—a harkening back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, not only in looks, but also in thought, beliefs…the list is endless.

TJ: Wow, Susie, you’re really smart.

BILLY: I love you.

JASON: (awkward turtle) That was awk.

END SCENE 1

ACT 1, SCENE 2—Building Government

JOHN D = John Dickinson                                               ROGER = Roger Sherman

ALEX = Alexander Hamilton                                       JAMES = James Madison

WILL = William Paterson

JOHN D: Man. These Articles of Confederation really stink. We need something else to govern this country. Yo.

JAMES: Where’s TJ?

ALEX: He’s not here.

JAMES: What a slacker. So, anyway, I’ve got this awesome plan for our new government. It’s called the Virginia Plan.  (Pause) Because I’m….from Virginia.

JOHN D: (sarcastically)  Wow, original name.

JAMES: Thanks. (gets really animated) It will have 3 branches of government (waves his arms wildly) The Executive, which enforces laws (makes gun shooting motion), the Legislative, which makes the laws (mimics writing on a giant imaginary sheet of paper), and the Judicial, to interpret the laws (imitates banging a giant gavel).

ALEX: Um, okay. How will we elect our representatives.

JAMES: (at the height of his antics—faces the class and proclaims this like a king) We shall elect representatives based purely on population in a bicameral legislature. And it shall be wonderful. (bows) Virginia Plan, signing out.

JOHN D: Wow, I’m not sure if I’m okay with having two camels run our government.

ALEX: Can someone please tell me where we’re going to find two camels in Pennsylvania?

JAMES: Not “camels,” you baboons—bi-CAMERAL. It means two houses. You’ve totally ruined my presentation.

JOHN D: Oh, bi-cameral. That makes more sense.

ALEX: I still don’t know if I’m okay with this. But, I guess we have no other option, so…

(WILL enters from hallway)

WILL: (sing-songy) Here I come to save the day!

(pause)

WILL: Okay, I’m no Captain America, but I do have a second option. We small state people don’t want to be rail-roaded by your Virginia Plan that has representation based on population. We want (in an announcer voice) The New Jersey Plan!

ALEX: Does this plan have camels, too?

WILL: The New Jersey Plan has a uni-cameral legislature that elects representatives based on equality. And if you support my plan, I’ll buy you a camel.

ALEX: (immediately raises his hand) Oooh, I like this guy!

JAMES: We can’t choose our government based on exotic pets! I still think my Virginia Plan is best.

WILL: Well, I think it’s stupid. You’re stupid.

JAMES: You’re a poo-head.

(Roger appears by the windows)

ROGER: Gentlemen, or should I say toddlers?

JAMES AND WILL: WHAT?!

ROGER: I believe I have the solution. We shall make a compromise. And in our tradition of naming things awesomely, I shall call it The Great Compromise.

ALEX: I like it. Does it come with camels?

ROGER: Camels are really an obsession for you, aren’t they?

ALEX: I mean, I like them.

ROGER: My Great Compromise will have two camels, and one shall be chosen based on population and one shall be based on equality. What say you?

JOHN D: And the issue of slavery?

ROGER: We will give our slaves no rights and they will each count for 3/5 of a person in the population. I don’t like it, but apparently our moral standards are quite low.

JAMES: I like it.

WILL: I like it.

ROGER: Bam.

ACT 1, SCENE 3—G DUBBS

G = George Washington                                     ALEX = Alexander Hamilton

G: So, I find that I am now in charge of this mess of a bunch of states. I’d better be careful about what I do. I know everyone is watching.

(paces around front of room)

G: Hmm, I’d better appoint some people to help me keep track of all of this stuff. (turns to hallway and screams) ALEX!

ALEX: (comes in, yawning) What’s happening, boss?

G: Were you sleeping?

ALEX: After legislating nap. Gotta love it. What can I do for you?

G: (shakes his head) Okay, you like money, so I’m going to put you in charge of the National Treasury.

ALEX: (turns to audience and speaks enthusiastically) I. LOVE. MONEY! (turns back to G and speaks in a casual way) I mean, that would be cool.

G: Now I need someone to run my State department and manage foreign relations.

ALEX: Ugh. Make ‘ole TJ do that job. Yuck.

G: Good thinking. LOLZ. Obviously I should give the War department to Henry Knox. I mean, a Fort is named after him and everything. And for the Attorney General…well, Edmund Randolph had a pretty good idea with the Virginia Plan, so I’ll let him do it.

ALEX: Didn’t we end up not using that plan?

G: Well, it was good-ish.

ALEX: How many justices are you going to put on the Supreme Court?

G: Six.

ALEX: But what if the verdict is a tie?

G: I’m sure someone else down the line will deal with that.

(Pause for the passage of time)

ALEX: Some time has passed.

G: Hey, Alex. How’s your financial plan going?

ALEX: Well, thank you very much for the $52 million debt you started me off with from the Revolutionary War.

G: Yeah…

ALEX: So I told all the states that we’re going to pay all of their debts, but in return we’re going to tax all imported goods and create a national bank.

G: How did they take that?

ALEX: Oh, everyone was fine with it except the South

ALEX and G: Of course!

ALEX: So, the National Bank is going to print money and hold government funds, we’ve decided to move the National capital to Virginia, and we’re operating under “loose” interpretation of the Constitution.

G: Hang on a minute there. We’re moving the capital?

ALEX: Uh, yeah. Don’t you want to be in the South? Sunshine? Cornbread?

G: Well, I do like cornbread.

ALEX: See? No problem. Plus, the Southern states wouldn’t agree to this deal unless we compromised. I HATE compromising.

G: Okay. As long as we set a good precedent, I’m fine with it.

(G walks offstage)

ALEX: Um, duh, he IS the president.

END

On Snarkiness....

Diane and Layne stand in front of my desk, watching me before school starts. I get some lotion.

Me: "Yes, I have lotion. No, you can't have any."

Layne: "I don't like lotion."

Diane: "Yeah, when you put it on, everything sticks to your hands. Dust, glitter--"

Me: "Why would you routinely have glitter?"

Diane: "Um, Ms. Sefcik, glitter is, like, necessary."

Me: "Oh, my bad."

Layne: "Anyway, lotion is disgusting."

Diane: "Lotion is for old people with old gross crusty hands."

Layne: "Ms. Sefcik, if you live to be 100, I want to be 100 minus one day so that I don't have to live without you."

Diane: "No...wait."

Layne: "No--if you live to be 90, I want to be 91 so that I can live one year without you."

Me: (in Yoda voice) "Brilliant, you are."

Diane: "You're so weird."

Me: "Yeah..."

On Wearing Clothes Right-Side Out...

In my defense, this sweater is one of those oversized wrap-around deals with lots of weird buttons around a faux cowl neck collar. And I put it on right before walking out of the house.

Riley: "Um, Ms. Sefcik, um your tag--you have shirt on inside out."

Me: "Um. No I don't."

Riley: "Look, even the seams are on the outside."

Me: (checking my shirt in confusion) "But....the buttons..."

Diane: "Look--there's a tag right there."

Me: "Huh. Oh."

Riley: "HAHAHA Ms. Sefcik has her sweater on inside-out!"

Kyle: "I was going to say something this morning, but I thought you did it on purpose, to be cool or something."

Me: "Haha, well, I am pretty cool."

Riley: "Are you going to go change?"

Me: "Eventually."

Diane: "You know, maybe you should reconsider us having to do this essay now."

Me: "Why would I reconsider that?"

Diane: "Not only do you not believe in Santa Claus, you can't even dress yourself. Maybe you shouldn't be telling us what to do."

Me: "Um, nice try."

I leave the students in the librarian's capable hands and go to the main office bathroom to switch my sweater.

Me: "Are you both ready to laugh?"

Receptionist 1: "Oh yes!"

Receptionist 2: "Sure--what happened?"

Me: "It was just pointed out to me that my sweater is on inside out."

(both look at my sweater for a second, confused, then I pull on the cleaning instruction tag sticking out from my side)

Receptionist 2: "Oh my gosh! That is too funny! How did that happen?"

Me: "I've only ever worn this once before, and I must have hung it up inside out on the hanger. I threw it on and ran out the door, never looked at it once, and assumed I had buttoned it correctly."

Receptionist 1: "Well, it looks reversible, like the material is the same on the inside and outside."

Me: "Well, I'm going to fix it."

I walk toward the bathroom and hear:

Principal: "Hey, Stephanie, wait!"

I turn around, thinking oh my jeez, what if this is somehow a violation of the dress code or something? to find him holding his iPhone up, wanting to take a picture. I'm sure this will be in its own section of the Yearbook on a page entitled something like "Ms. Sefcik--General Life Failures."

On Santa....

Diane: "You're going to have my little sister next year."

Me; "I already have her in study hall."

Diane: "Oh yeah. She told me she doesn't like you."

Me: "Well, none of them like me because I don't let them talk."

Brandon: "I loved your study hall, Ms. Sefcik."

Diane: "They don't like her because she hates Santa Claus."

Me: "I do not hate Santa Claus!"

Diane: "And she doesn't believe in him."

Me: "I never said that!"

Diane: "Nobody likes a Scrooge, Ms. Sefcik."

On Events of Historical Importance....

Me: "Next is the Missouri Compromise. Does anyone know anything about the Missouri Compromise?"

Nate: "They're compromising to be land from the mexicans. From the mexican territories."

Me: "It has something to do with slavery. Does that ring any bells?"

Greg: "Indians."

Me: "No, not indians. Slavery."

Greg: "Oh, we took notes on this--it has something to do with---oh crud. Tartar sauce."

Kate: "How do you spell Missouri?"

Eric: "M-I-Z-Z-O-U--"

Kate: "That's Mizzou, not Missouri."

Me: "In 1828, there was the Tariff of Abominations."

Kyle: (wide-eyed) "Abominations?"

Me: "Oh yes."

Greg: "Coolest name ever."

Me: "Haha. If it was the Tariff of 'Abdominations,' they would be taxing people for having rock-hard abs!"

(pause)

Greg: "I don't get it."

Me: "Moving on."

On Using In-Class Dictionaries and Revelations....

Kyle: "What do you call that?" (points to something on his computer screen)

Harrison: "A .gif? (pronounced 'giff')"

Kyle: "Is that how you say it?"

Alli: "No, I think it's 'jiff.'"

Kate: "I thought it was 'G-I-F.'"

Harrison: "Well, duh, that's how it's spelled, yeah."

Alli: "They're never pronounced how they're spelled, idiot."

Harrison: "Ms. Sefcik! She called me an idiot!"

Kate: "Hahaha Ms. Sefcik doesn't care."

On the First Day Back....

Maggie: "Are you going to try not to be sick this week, Ms. Sefcik?"

Me: "I wasn't sick last week. I told you I was going to a conference in Las Vegas."

Maggie: "Uh huh, yeah, well just try not to be sick anymore."

Me: "....."




Greg: "When are our outlines due?"

Me: "It says right here--see? Thursday the 29th."

Greg: "When is that?"

Me: "This Thursday. The 29th."

Greg: "WHAT?!!!!"

Me: "Greg, you've had this assignment sheet for two weeks. It's just an outline."

Brad: "What's an outline, again?"

Me: "You know what an outline is."

Brad: "Ummm."

Me: "You guys. Tell me you know what an outline is."

Molly: "Um. Kind of."

Chris: "Not really."

Kate: "Isn't that where you write the paragraphs, but, like, they're not really paragraphs?"

Me: (mouth hanging open) "....."

Librarian: (looking at me and feeling the need to intervene) "Do you want me to give a five-minute lesson on outlines?"

Me: (snapping out of it) "Yes, that would be lovely."





Jack: "Ms. Sefcik?"

Me: "Yes?" (I turn to find that Jack has pulled both of his arms inside his shirt, leaving his sleeve holes sticking straight out and empty)

Jack: "I have an excuse. I can't type. And I can't eat, so I'm really hungry."

Me: "That's terrible."

Jack: "Also, my nub-holes are really cold."

On My Welcome Back...

Yesterday, I had to leave school at 9am to go to a doctor to get my tonsil looked at--it had experienced a bit of trauma and needed some help. They ended up taking half of it out in the office, so I did not return to school as I was expecting. This meant that I left not only my coat, but also my school keys, on my desk. I began the morning by knocking on the locked doors at the back of the academic building, then borrowing keys to get into my room.

Me; "Good morning."

Riley: "MS SEFCIK! OMG YOU'RE BACK DO YOUR TONSILS HURT OMG HOW ARE YOU TALKING CAN YOU TALK AT ALL OMG!!!"

Me: "Um, yes."

Grace: "

Today was the last day of grammar presentations--saving the best for last, we had frequently confused words on the docket today.

Jo: "So yeah,

(this is a shot of his powerpoint)

Me: "Okay, those definitions are a little bit confusing. Does anyone understand the difference between when to use 'lie' and when to use 'lay'?"

James: "Not really."

Kayla: "Uhhhhhhh...."

Me: "Okay, I have an easy trick for you, and it's going to be funny, so get ready to laugh."

Students all perk up immediately.

Me: "Are you ready to laugh?"

Class: "Yeah."

Me: "Okay. People 'lie'.....objects get 'laid.'"

Class: "Hahahaha"

Parker: "Ms. Sefcik, I beg to differ!"

Me: "I know, but watch this--I would 'lie' on the floor, but I will 'lay' this book on the microwave."

Zack: "So...that book just got laid on the microwave?"

Jake: "Haha Awesome."

Me: "So how many people are going to remember the difference now?"

Kate: "I can probably remember that."

On Random Little Practical Jokes....

Hmm, I thought as I waited for my class to come into the room. I am feeling a bit mischievous today. What can I do to have some fun? I wonder....one of my softball girls is a real character and she is up to present her grammar project today. She handed me her flash drive and I plugged it into my computer.

Wow, that is really plain. No colors, just text. I can probably fix that really quickly. I do some magic on the computer (which really just means I clicked on a theme color) and Lane passed out her handouts.

Lane: (turns to screen) "Whoa! Why is that colorful? I didn't color that."

Me: (whispering to Lane's friend, Katie) "Haha, I did that."

Katie: (whispering) "You colored it?"

Me: (whispering) "Haha yeah."

Katie: (whispering) "Awesome. Tell her at the end!"

Lane: "Okay an example of an action verb is 'I cleaned my locker.' Action verb is 'cleaned' and object is 'locker' because you're cleaning...the locker. I never turned this purple...I don't know how this happened."

Me: "I don't know. Sometimes, things just happen."

On Chucking....

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood....in the wintertime?"

"42."

"What? No--they hibernate in the wintertime."

"They do not hibernate in the wintertime."

"Well, you don't see them out anywhere."

"Where do you see them out in the summer time?"

"So they would eat less."

"Why would they eat less when it's colder--they need to stay warm."

"No, it would be none, because they don't actually eat wood."

"Okay, fine. How much wood would a termite eat if a termite was eating wood."

"How could you possibly measure what a termite eats?"

"I don't know...lay out a couple of boards and see how much is left?"

"Huh. Yeah, that makes sense."

"I bet a termite could destroy a beaver in a fight."

"No way, man, beavers are scrappy."

On Vocab Quizzes....

On Vocab Quiz Day: 

Me: "Okay, things are going to change around here. Since you all are determined to act like first-graders, I'm going to treat you like first-graders." (I hold up a small stack of post-it notes) "These are post-it notes. If you misbehave in class, I will write your name on a post-it note and stick it on my calendar. If you get your name on a post-it, you have lunch duty. If you get two post-its in a week, you have silent lunch. If you get three, you have two hours (demerits)."

James: "Wait! What gets us on a post-it note?"

Me: "Great question--if, for example, you find yourself lying, crawling, or sprawling on the floor in the middle of class, your name will go on a post-it note. If you launch a projectile across the room, your name will go on a post-it note. If you happen to blurt out a stream of consciousness in a Tourette's-like outburst, expect to see your name on a post-it."

Student: "What?"

Me: "Just do what you're supposed to do and you'll be fine. Get out a sheet of paper and a pen or pencil."

(flurry of activity)

Rachel: "Wait! What is this?" (looks around in panic and confusion)

Me: (sitting at the front with my vocab book, I pick up a pen and mark which words will be the context words)

Rachel: (staring at me in panic) "Am I going on the post-it note? Don't tell my mom!"

Me: "This is your vocab quiz. I could tell your mother, I suppose, but I'm not sure it will do you any good right now."

Daniel: "Where are my note cards?"

Me: "Daniel. We're starting the quiz. You don't need your note cards. Okay, #1--Assurance......#2--Asylum......#3--Console.......#4--Dilate....."

(Kate shoots her hand into the air)

Me: "Kate?"

Kate: "Can you repeat #5?"

Me: "I haven't said #5 yet."

Jack: "You know in a spelling bee? Why is it called a spelling bee?"

Hannah: "Yeah, and why do you get a 'ding' if it's incorrect? Should a 'ding' be, like, for correct answers?"

Me: "Are you serious right now? We are taking this quiz and no amount of tomfoolery is going to stop us! #5--Dross...."

Kate: "Can you repeat it?"

Jack: "Yeah, can you spell it?"

Me: "Okay. NOW you're on a post-it note."

Kate/Jack: "OOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrgghhhsnnnn."

And later, while grading: 

On Quiet Mornings and Anxiety Pills....

Sam: "Our advisory is boring today because everyone's being quiet."

Ann: "Someone be not quiet."

Sam: "I have been! I've been, like, screaming over here, and Sophie is just sitting there staring at me."

Two girls go to the board and start drawing something that looks like a cartoon face with spiky hair, but then turned out to be an homage to a popular oceanic cartoon:

Ann: "Ms. Sefcik, you're not being fun."

Me: "What? What do you want from me?"

Brad: "We want you to do something!"

Me: "You know, most people in my life aren't mean to me."

Layne: "Really? I find that hard to believe."

Sam: "Most teachers, I would be afraid to pester them about feeding sheep, but we're best friends."

Me: "We're not friends."

Layne: "Uh, I think you should reconsider that, seeing as we're the only friends you have."

Me: "Hahaha. You're hilarious."

Brad: "Ms. Sefcik, on my final exam, I'm going to draw a sheep. You know. Because of your Farmville."



This morning, I was making my fairly frequent Smoothie King stop when the guy behind the counter asked me where I work.

"I'm a teacher," I said, "At Battle Ground Academy down the road."

"Ohh," he said, "I know what you need."  He reached around the counter and brought up a box of:

Me: "Hmm....why yes. I think I will buy those."