Random Little Gifts....

Molly: (comes into my room before school this morning) "Look at this jacket that I'm wearing under my BGA jacket." (tries to pull sweatshirt up unsuccessfully) "...ughr......auugrrrrgh......." (finally gets sweatshirt over one shoulder to reveal symbol underneath) "..okay.....SUPERMAN!"

Laine: (before school, randomly talking to me as I frantically try to finish typing a handout) "I can see you being a fortune teller."
Diane: "No, a psychic."
Laine: "With a turban on your head, and one of those fortune balls."


John: (on his way into English class) "I read the modern translation of Julius Caesar last night. It's a lot better than the actual book."


Me: (during a discussion on 'friendship') "What is a true friend?"
Mia: "Someone who listens to you."
Katie: "Helps you when you need it."
Me: "Joe, what did you put?"
Joe: "Someone who will mess around with you."
Class: "hahahahahahaha."
Joe: (mortified) "No, that's not what I meant!"
Jack: "I put 'jack' around with you. Heh heh."
Class: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. ha."
Me: "Oh boy."

On Study Hall....

Me: (seeing two boys wearing their backpacks at their table) "Why aren't you doing anything? Get something out to work on."

John: "I don't have any homework."

Me: "Yes, you do. I gave you English homework today."

John: "Darn it."

Me: "Yeah. Get it out."

Eric: (picks up an Algebra book and begins to 'read' it)

Me: "No. You're not reading an algebra book."

Eric: "but...I have a test on Monday. For real."

Me: "You don't study math by reading it."

John: "Okay, fine."

(two minutes later)

Me: "John, are you in Latin class?"

John: (peeking over the Latin book he's reading) "Ummm"

Me: "Do something that you need to do." (I look behind him to the back table) "Chris, are you reading the dictionary?"

Chris: "What? Of course I am. I'm memorizing it."

Me: "Shenanigans."

Chris: "What does that mean?"

Me: "Look it up. Hahahaha."

Me: "hahahaa. Because you have a dictionary."



Meanwhile, the girls at the back table begin singing:

"Sister Sefcik kissed Brother Manning...she liked the taste of his fishy chapstick..."

Other student: "Ewww."

Anne: (to me) "You should take a stand."

Me: (in actor voice) "I refuse to be treated this way!" (fist punch to the sky)

Diane: "No. Don't do the Shakespeare thing. That just works against you."

On Puns....

It's a new year! Hurrah! The students are back and we are already in the swing. To prepare for our upcoming reading of Julius Caesar, we have been studying puns along with the more traditional Shakespearean grammar/language lessons. For homework last night, I assigned them to write an original pun. The results, you ask? Pretty good.

The Popular Ones:
That vacuum really sucks. (2)

Cheap scissors just don't cut it. (2)

I had a carpentry test yesterday. I nailed it. (3)

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. (3)

The Ones that Don't Make Sense:
The fat lady ate lots of cow.

The comb brushed by.

A man was very hungry so a couple of guys gave him a sandwich. Then the world ended and they created the Hunger Games.

Animal Humor:
The rough bark hurt my ears.

The sad monkey has a very long tale.

The bear was annoyed by the bark.

Come here, deer.

The teacher fish told the bigger fish not to bait the smaller fish with their jokes.

What is the land that has a lot of fins? Finland.

That bear was unbearable making bad jokes.

What did the duck say to the Bartender? Put it on my bill.

The Aspiring:
I learned to knit my own gloves. It really came in handy.

A pilot that carries novels for an author was asked if there was any room on the plane, but he said, "No! We're booked!"

Reading while sun-bathing makes you well RED.

Eye see you.

"I see!" said the blind man, as he took out his hammer and saw.

The tree that's always jealous year-round is an evergreen.

I was reading a book about anti-gravity and I just couldn't seem to put it down.

Did you hear that new ground-breaking song? Yeah, I totally dig it.

Do you want to hear a macaroni joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Two plates were talking--one of them said "food's on me tonight."

What did the cereal say to the crazy tire? You're loopy.

I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but could not find the time.

Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body blown off? He's alright now.

The Truly Questionable...

I'm going to start sniffing glue; I hope I don't get stuck on it.