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This blog is now located at www.isitsummeryet.org. All of my posts have been compiled with my other travel blog posts, consolidating all of my writing in one place with a brand-spankin' new domain!

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On Being Divergent....

The students have been assigned a book trailer for Divergent. It's like a movie trailer, but made about a book. They've had a lot of interesting insights so far on the book and its many themes.

Bob: "Can we ask homeless people to be in our video? Like, as the factionless?"

Me: (severe tone) "Use your good judgment, Bob."

Bob: (thinks for a second, then turns to his group) "Let's do it!"

and later...

Bob: "Are we allowed to have guns in our video?"

Me: "Um, I don't care, but if you use guns, you HAVE to ask your parents first."

Bob: (haha) "Yeah, okay." (eye roll)

Me: "I will find out if you didn't ask your parents first."

Bob: "Uh, sure."

Me: "Seriously."

Bob: "Okay-ay." (smirks at friends)

Me: "If I see a gun in your video, I will call your parents and ask them if they were aware you were using one."

Bob: (stops) "Oh. Well. Okay then."

Me: "What assumption are we supposed to always be operating under?"

Bob: "Ms. Sefcik is smarter than we are."

Me: "That's the one."


(handing out papers)

Nick: (seeing that James has earned a 100) "James, you're such a nerd."

James: "Sorry."

Me: "What?! Don't apologize for doing well. What kind of friends are you?"

Nick: "The kind that bring him down so that he can pick himself back up."

James: "It just hurts."


During afternoon study hall:
(a roll of pink duct tape has surfaced in the back of the room)

Me: (looking over at a girl who now has a mouth covered in pink duct tape) "HEY!"

(both boys look up midway to putting another piece of duct tape on the girl)

Dan: "Yeah?"

Me: "Whose duct tape is that?"

Dan: (points at Hilary) "It's hers."

Me: "Oh. Okay."

(they continue)

(a few minutes later)

Hilary: "Mmmmeehhhharmmmmmmm!"

Me: (look up) "Oh my god!"

(Jack's head is now wrapped with duct tape)

Hilary: (rips off her tape) "You're ripping out his fro!"

Dan: "Oh, man. Haha--look at those little hairs!" (shows another boy the tape he just took off Jack's head)

Jack: "Rwmarrrahh!"

Dan: "Good thing his mouth was taped shut. I'm pretty sure that was a bad word."

Me: "Okay. Given Hilary back her tape. We're done now."

Jack: (pulls tape partway off his mouth) "Wait! Can he please tape my legs first?"

Me: "You're so weird. Why do you want him to tape your legs?"

Jack: (Jack and Dan look at each other) "Because it's fun." (obviously)

They Found Me Out...

It was inevitable, but the students have finally found the blog.

Jessie: "Ms. Sefcik, I'm reading your blog."

Me: "Oh boy."

Jessie: "I wasn't going to look it up because it was too much work, but Bobby had already pulled it up on my iPad, so now I'm reading it."

Me: "I'm so happy for you."

Jessie: (2 minutes later): "Wow, Ms. Sefcik, you write down everything."

(enter Layne)

Layne: "What are you doing?"

Jessie: "Reading Ms. Sefcik's blog."

Layne: "I should be on this literary map, Ms. Sefcik, because I'm in your blog so much. You should put a town in this section called 'Layne.'"

Me: "What would I do without you?"


(later)

Jones: "OMG--Ms. Sefcik cussed on her blog!"

Me: "What? Surely not."

Cade: "YES SHE DID. OMG LOOK AT THIS--she said 'SHIT.'"

Jones: "I'm pretty sure you could get fired for saying that."

Me: "Umm, I'm pretty sure I can't."

Jones: "I don't know, Ms. Sefcik, that's a naughty word."

Me: "It's my blog. It has nothing to do with school. Well, except that it's about school. But that's it!"


Katie: "What's my name in the blog?"

Me: "Well, I usually switch up your names so that no one's identifiable. Except Layne. She's always the same."

Layne: "HA! It's because I'm so awesome, right?"

Me: "Uh, yeah. That's the reason."

Katie: "Well, what's one of my names?"

Me: "Let's see--here, you're 'Holly.'"

Katie: "I don't like that name. Can you give me a different name?"

Me: "Uh..."

Nate: "Yeah, Ms. Sefcik, can I be 'Blade'?"

Huck: "Oooh, I want to be 'Spider.'"

Me: "Okay, now this is just---"

Chris: "The TERMINATOR!"

Me: "--ridiculous. I am not spending my whole day writing you all new names in my blog."

On whorehouses...

Brandon: "Shouldn't they make bacon deodorant?"
Maggie: "Ew that's disgusting!"
Brandon: "Bacon. It's BAY-con. Everybody likes bacon!"

Me: "I want you to rewrite or revise your essay from this morning's exam."
Students: "No! WHAT?! But we just wrote it......And we don't want.....But we can't.....ARGHH......Nooooooooooooooowahpleeeeeeeeeeeease!"
Me: "Wow. That was...."
Kate: "But Ms. Sefcik, we wrote alllllll morning."
Me: "You wrote for 45 minutes."
James: "Okay. Ms. Sefcik, look at it this way."
Me: "Okay."
James: "....."
Me: "What?"
James: "Uh, that we don't want to write right now."
Nick: "I don't have my rough draft."
Me: "I know that. None of you have a rough draft. I'm asking you to write from memory of what you already did this morning."
Greg: "How am I supposed to remember that?"
Me: "Is your brain a spaghetti strainer? How do you not remember something you wrote four hours ago?"
Greg: "Uhhh."
Vicky: "How long does it have to be?"
Me: "Your essay tomorrow? It should be 2-2.5 pages."
Vicky: "No, what we're doing right now."
Me: "Don't worry about length, just start writing."
Vicky: "Gah."
Nick: "So....are we getting back our rough drafts?"
Me: "NO!"

(after more long, drawn out whining)

Me: "Attention. This is not an extra assignment. This is not a debate. I am not asking you if you want to write. I am telling you what we are doing in class today and this is it! Now, I want everyone to buckle down and write something and I don't want to hear any more whining!"
Adam: "Why are you staring at me?! I didn't do anything!"
Me: "I'm not staring at you. Okay, I was staring at you, but I just needed someone to look at. Ugh--"
Huck: "Look! She's trying not to laugh."
Me: "I am NOT amused. I'm just laughing because I'm so frustrated right now."
Zach: "Oh. Well, next time, can you give us some kind of warning when you're getting angry so that we know to stop?"
Me: (mouth drops) "Whaa? I just yelled at you!"
Students: "Hahaha."
Zach: "Just now?"
Me: "Yes, literally just now."
Zach: "That was your yelling?"
Me: "Yes, that was me being angry. Didn't anyone feel threatened and reprimanded?"
Katie: "Ummm, oh, yeah, that was great."
Layne: "She's so adorable."
Me: "Unbelievable."
Jack: "She said 'whorehouse' in history class today."
Me: "How is that relevant?"
Jessie: "Whorehouse? Is that the politically correct term?"
Me: "Hmm, maybe 'brothel' is more politically correct. I'm not sure."
Brian: "Hey, Ms. Sefcik, look at this!"

Me: "You broke my dictionary!"

Brian: "No, I swear!"

Kyle: "Haha, Andrew's probably looking up a word like 'octopus.'"

Holly: "That wasn't funny. Why did you say that?"

Brian: "Hey look--'bastard' doesn't mean a kid without a dad. It means an illegitimate child."

Me: "Well, that kind of means the same thing. Like a child whose parents weren't married or when the father has run off for some reason."

Beth: "Oh no! That's me! Is that bad?"

Me: (mentally: *&&$$^^) "Uh, no, of course not. And that word really isn't used like that anymore anyway. It originated in Medieval times like when the King had a child before he was married to the queen and the child usually lived in the castle with them anyway and words change and oh--like in King Lear with Edmund and Edgar but you don't know that example but I swear you shouldn't worry about it it really has no bearing on our lives today."

Beth: "But....it sounds bad."

Me: "Well, people use 'bastard' toward other people today in a bad way, but not with the same meaning that it used to have. Now it's more an insult without the fatherless connotation. There are other words like that, like...well

On SuperPowers....

Write: My super alter ego would be...


Mike: "Moolah Man. He shoots quarters from his gun and also whips people with his hundred dollar rope."
James: "Can I be McMuffin? I mean, McLovin?"
Me: "Sure, McMuffin."
Kyle: "No, Ms. Sefcik, it's McLovin. Did you ever see Superbad?"
Me: "Yeah, I know the--he just said...never mind. James, what's your superpower?"
James: "So, I have a fake ID and I go around buying stuff for underage people."
Huck: "Dude. That's not a superhero--that's a drug dealer."
Me: "Okay, moving on from the drug--"
James: "McDruggin! I'm McDruggin!"

Me: "Chris, that's not the assignment."
Chris: "Yes, it is."
Me: "Umm, what's your superpower?"
Chris: "Rebirth."
Me: "haha."
Nick: "What did he write?"
Me: "Read what you wrote so far."
Chris: "I am a Christian and I worship God and Jesus."
Kate: "What did he say?"
Gloria: "He's a Christian."
Kate: "What's his superpower?"
Chris: "My superpower would be rebirth, so I could chase bad guys and I could get shot and then I'd come bak to life, like, after a day."
(pause)
Kate: "You'd come to life after a day?"
Chris: "Yeah."
Kate: "What about the bad guys you were chasing? You'd never catch any bad guys?"
Chris: "Oh. Uh, maybe we should make that like 20 seconds. And my name would be 'Jesus' but pronounced HAY-Zeus. You know, like Jesus. But the Spanish version."

Me: "Ok, Peter, what's your superpower?"
Peter: "I'm C-man. GAH!"
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
George: "Mr. Semen?"
Peter: "Oh man, I didn't notice that before."
Huck: "Hahaha, never fear, Semen is here!"
Peter: "I'm C-man for Communism--I mean Comedy! I make people laugh and confuse them and then I punch them in the nose and spray them with Gorilla glue."
Victor: (under his breath) "Are you sure it's Gorilla--"
Me: "OKAY. I think we all realize now the many perils that must be considered when creating and naming a superhero."

Jazz: "Can we be you? Like, our superpower is assigning essays?"
Me: "Is that all I can do? My superpower has to be handing out essays?"
Holly: "Haha, the Stephatron!"
Jazz: "9,000 more essays!"
Holly: "She beats children."
Kate: "She uses the essays to give people paper cuts."
Me: "Owww, that's nasty. You guys make me sound like some horribly abusive person."
Students: "....."
Me: "Just don't share these stories."

Tate: "Shhhhh."
Joe: "Stop shooing me."
Tate: "It's shushing, not shooing."
Joe: "It's shhhhhh-ooing."
Tate: "That's.....just not right."

Brandon: "My superhero alter ago would be Stefanotron, where he turns into a homosexual and gives people fashion advice."

Layne: "My name would be SefcikHater and I would crush Ms. Sefcik's dreams so that she couldn't give us any more work. And I would burn all of the Harry Potter books. And J.K. Rowling, so that she couldn't write any more."
Me: "Wow. That's...harsh."
Layne: "Life is hard, Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "Andy, what about you?"
Andy: (holds up his paper) "I'm Blank Paper Bob. I make papers blank, like this one."
Me: "Hahaha. Touche."

Blake: "I'm Danny the Dingo."
Me: "And your superpower?"
Blake: "Um, I don't really know what dingos do."
Harris: "I thought a dingo was a kangaroo."
Blake: "No, stupid, a kangaroo is a kangaroo."

On Family Matters...

So, it's spring break, I'm home with the family, and things....are


Shake Weight
Mom: Look at this new weight I got!

Stacey: You bought a shake weight?

Me: Hahaha when are you going to use that?

Mom: I'll use it all the time.

Me: I doubt that. How much do you use your other exercise equipment? When's the last time you hung upside down on that inversion table.

Mom: You should see other women my age. Plus, it says six minutes a day equals 45 minutes of using dumbbells at the gym.

Me: Yeah, you're fit. But I don't think you'll use the shake weight.

Stacey: No one can look good doing that.

Me: There was a group of kids who came to school in Harlem Globetrotters costumes and carrying shake weights. They were the Harlem Shake. hahahaha, get it?

Mom: Here--there's a DVD that goes with it. Look, I'll put it in right now.

(DVD with an unbelievable buff guy named "Matusse" begins)

DVD: Stand ready with your hips stable and your feet hip-distance apart...

Mom: (assumes the position) See? I can do this.

DVD: grasp the weight firmly in front of your chest and shake it vigorously back and forth.

Mom: (after approx. 35 seconds) Ugh. I can't do this anymore.

Me: What?! You've got 5 and half minutes to go!

Mom: I'm working my way up to it.

(leaves room)

Me: (pick up weight) Whatever. I bet I could do this. (shaking weight above my head)

Stacey: Hahaha you look like an idiot.

Me: (making a face and shaking it in front of my chest with both hands before promptly hitting myself in the face) ARGHhhhh!

Stacey: Ahahahahahaha--

Me: Ow.

Stacey: --hahahahahaahahahahaha

(later)

Me: (holding up the direction sheet) Did you know this comes with directions?

Stacey: What does it say?

Me: It says I'm an idiot.

Should have read this first.

You, too, can glisten like this guy.

Later that night, we came together to discuss the renovations we're doing on the cabin in Canada, which so far has led to tears, frustration,

Mom: Can someone go get more Reese's peanut butter cups? Cause I think we're gonna need 'em.

Stacey: Did you have too much to drink?

Dad: Yeah, too much raspberry lemonade.

Stacey: Okay, do you like the plank-style Hardiboard for the siding?

Mom: I like that, but not too green. I don't want it to be too green.

Stacey: Okay.

Mom: I think I'm gonna need foot surgery.

(I go to soundsleeping.com and put on the creek/thunderstorm mixer, which pipes delightful nature sounds through my computer...essentially taking me to my happy place.)

Dad: Turn that off.

Me: No. I find it relaxing.

(I sip my chai tea through a big pink straw)

Stacey: Ugh, how can you drink through those giant straws?

Mom: We'll buy more straws! I told you we would get more.

Me: I am impervious to your attempts to drag me from my happy place.

Mom: (in the silverware drawer) Who needs a straw? I have more in here.

Stacey: No one needs a straw.

Me: Da-da-nah-nahhhh! Fork!


And later...while looking at faucets on Home Depot, Mom sits down to search for vanities.

Mom: Here, can this computer Google? (points to the Home Depot faucet page)

Stacey: No, it can only Home Depot.

On Tax Refunds....

My class was working in the library on Thursday, writing essays, doing like we do, when I happened to log on to Wells Fargo to check my bank account and--

Me: "Woooooooo!"

Students: (shocked, look at me)

Me: (double fist pump) "I just got my tax refund!"

Jake: "Your what?"

Me: "My tax refund, YEAH!"

Kate: "Ms. Sefcik! This is the library!"

Me: "But I--(dance around)--got my--(jump move)--tax--refunnnnnndddd!"

Greg: "So what does that mean?"

Me: "It means the government gave me money."

Sara: "Whoa! The government just gave you money? For free?"

Me: "Well, I mean, I paid the money in, but now they're giving it back to me."

Kate: "So, why did you pay more than you had to?"

Me: "Well.....I had to pay that then, and then I got to take deductions, so they recalculate what I owe--"

Greg: "Deductions? Wait, what do you mean they recalculated it?"

Me: "Okay, this is not..."

Kate: "So really, you just got back what you had already paid to begin with? That's it?"

Me: (frowny face) "This is supposed to be exciting. Really."

Me: Write the prompt oon the board please

Prompt What do you know about Benjamin Franklin? Make a list!

George: "Was Benjamin Frnaklin the guy with all of the bad diseases?

Me: "Do you mean syphilis? Yeah. He had the syph."

Jack: "How do you spell syphilis?"

Kylie: "What did you say? He was ticklish?"

George: "No, SYPHILIS."

Nate: (on a beat) "Syphilis, syph-, syph-, syph-, syphilis!"

On Guessing....

Diane: "What are we supposed to be doing right now?"

Me: "Work on your paper and find sources."

Diane: "What does that mean? I don't know what to do."

Me: "Well, what have you done so far?"

Diane: "I need some more info, because I'm trying to make my outline, but I don't have enough info yet."

Me: "Okay.

Diane: "Noooo?! The project's due in 10 days. And Santa's coming to town."

Me: "......"

oh my gosh. Emily felt my head and she says I have a fever. I can kinda feel it."

Me: "......." 

Diane: "It's okay, though. Okay. A: My first question is what do we put in our introduction?"

Pete: "Ms. Sefcik? Me and Kole are twins. We think the exact same--"

Kole: "Potatoes."

(silence)

Me: "Was that supposed to finish his sentence?"

Kole: "I took a chance."

On the iPad cart...

Me: "Okay, we're working with the iPads today, but I need everyone to be really, really careful because Mr. Propper's class is using them and they need to go in the exact same slots on the cart. Oh! I know--I'll put sticky notes on each slot when you take them so that you know where to put them back."

(I proceed to painstakingly write out sticky notes for each iPad, hand them out one at a time, and organize all of the chargers on the cart)

(30 minutes later)

Me: "Oh my god! Who left this iPad on top of the cart? Whose is this?" (looking around--confused--because everyone seems to still have an iPad) "Someone put this here--who is missing an iPad?"

Layne: "It wasn't me."

Rich: "Well, I went to put mine back, but someone else's was already in my spot, so I put my first one back somewhere else."

Me: "What?!" 

Katie: "Well, Rich's was in my spot, so I moved his and put mine back, but then I needed another one, so I took one that was already on there."

Me: "Ok....so which one is this?"

Students: "............."

Me: "Did you people not notice that I was labeling all of these spots with your names? Didn't you think that was important?"

Post-it notes labeling student slots

Katie: "Ummm...."

Me: "Okay, just pay attention to where you're putting them."

Grace: "Ms. Sefcik? Can our essay be due after spring break? Pleeeeeease?"

Me: "Haha no."

Grace: "But we have soooooo many tests this weeeeeek."

Me: "You would NOT be happy if you had to write an essay over spring break. Trust me."

Carrie: "No, I promise, we would love you!"

Me: "If you guys would stop arguing with me about the due date and just write the essay, you would be halfway done already." 

Grace: "But Ms. Seffffciikkkkkkk, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

Me: "No! N-O!"

Grace: "--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

Me: "Grace. It is two pages. Double-spaced."

Grace: "Yeah, but--"

Me: "And I gave you an outline that is LITERALLY a full page long. So all you have to do is write one extra page to fill in the outline."

Grace: (ponders for a moment) "But pleeeeeeeease!"

(meanwhile, in the front of the room)

 I killed one.

Me: "You okay there?"

Katie: "Ms. Sefcik, I can't think anymore. My brain hurts."

Me: "Eh, that just means it's on and working." 

(ten minutes later)

Tate: "Ms. Sefcik, look! We built a Fort of Knowledge!"

Me: "Is that really necessary?"

Tate: "Yes! I can only write my essay in the Fort of Knowledge."

Me: "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!"

Tate: "huh?"

Katie: "What?"

Me: "Spamalot."

(stares)

Me: "No? No Spamalot fans? Okay, then."

Fort of Knowledge

On Non-Boyfriends and Dating...

Layne: "Attention, everyone. Ms. Sefcik has a boyfriend, and we have not had an advisory discussion about this."

Allison: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Me: "I don't have a boyfriend."

Layne: "Okay, well, Ms. Sefcik is dating someone."

Reagan: "I want pictures."

Me: "You get nothing."

Layne: "AHA! That's not a denial! I told you she has a boyfriend."

Me: "I don't have a boyfriend. How do you people even know about this, anyway?"

Layne: "Taylor."

Reagan: "Dating is the same as having a boyfriend."

Me: "Only in middle school."

Layne: (goes and grabs Taylor) "Taylor! Come hear about Ms. Sefcik's mystery man friend."

Me: "We are not discussing this."

Taylor: "When are you seeing him again?"

Me: "This weekend."

Taylor: "You have a date this weekend? I'm going to the movies, too! Maybe I'll see you there!"

Me: (thinking how hilarious it is that a date automatically equals the movies)

Kyle: "Maybe he's not even real."

Steve: "Did you meet him at the dog park?"

Kyle: "Ms. Sefcik, are you dating Zephyr?"

Me: "Oh ha ha. You're hilarious. Because I'm dating my dog."

Kyle: "I knew it!"

Allison: "That's so mean."

Me: "It's fine. This is ridiculous. New topic. Who likes zombies?"

Steve: "I LOVE ZOMBIES! Raaarrhhhhhhh."

Me: "Yes. Excellent. Talk about that."

Eric: "If I got bitten by a zombie, would you kill me, or would you let me live?"

Steve: "If you got bitten but were still alive, I'd shoot you in the face."

Eric: "what if we were locked in the same room and you didn't know that i was bitten but i was a zombie and i got up and i was all "ALGhhalalrrrlahh"

Kyle: "that's like in the Walking dead, the girl died and she's sitting there and she's all 'aww' and patting her face, and then she's like 'arrrgghhahhalllahahhh'"

Greg: "I'd shoot you all in the face. you know. if you were zombies."

Eric: "I love zombies, period!"

Charming Charlie & the Monkey

Charlie: "Ms. Sefcik, you have a giant apple on your desk. OH! You're a TEACHER, and you have a giant APPLE on your desk. I never got that before..."


Game: You have to answer questions about the Civil War. If you get it right, you get to go again. If you get it wrong, you have to spin the Roulette wheel (which is covered in tiny pictures of guns and a few 'extra life' coupons). If you land on a gun, you're out.

Question 1: "What was the bloodiest battle of the Civil War?"

Harrison: "Antietam."

Sean: "Correct!"

Question 2: "What was the first battle of the Civil War?"

Charlie: (pause) "Just give me the thing."(reaching for the Roulette wheel)

Harrison: "No. You have to try."

Charlie: "......"

Me: "Charlie, just try. Name any battle of the Civil War."

Charlie: "......"

Sean: "Man. I just said what the bloodiest battle of the Civil War was. Like, just said it."

Charlie: ".....uhhhhh...."

Jake: "Just give him the wheel so we can keep going."

Charlie: (spins the wheel and it lands on....Extra Life) "hahaha."

Sean: "This is not justice!"

Charlie: "Hahaha. Yeah. That's really not fair. Haha."


(meanwhile, by my desk)


Monkey: "temperature. temp-er-ature. temperature. tem-per-a-ture." (sees me looking at her) Hahahaha."

(and later)

Monkey: "I feel like I'm not really here. Like I'm in an alternate reality."

Me: "I know the feeling."

Monkey: "Like, is this really happening?"

Me: "We don't know."

Monkey: "What is reality?"

Love this girl.

On Shakespeare...

Allison: "What are we doing today in class?"
Me: "We're going to read Act 4."
Students: "Ungghhh."
Me: "Oh, and I just want to warn you, we're going to be reading some bad words today."
Students: (visibly perk up) "Really?"
Me: "Yes."

(five minutes later)

Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall not live; look, with a spot I damn him.' He he he."

Braden: "I want to say the bad word, too!"

Kyle: "Too bad."

Me: "Do you all want to say the bad word?"

Students: "YES!"

Me: "Okay, everybody say this line: 'with a spot I damn him.'"

Students: "With a spot I DAMN him."

Me: "See?! Shakespeare is fun!"

Bob: "I like Shakespeare a lot more now."

Katie: "I feel like a rebel."

(another five minutes later)


Kyle: (as Antony) "'He shall but bear them as the ass (snicker) bears gold....then we take down his load
and turn him off Like to the empty ass'...hahaha...I'm sorry, Ms. Sefcik...hhahaha."

Me: "Okay, everybody say it."

Students: "Like to the empty ASS!"

Me: "Don't ever say that Shakespeare wasn't great!"

Holly: "What if Mr. Wempe walked down the hall right outside our room just then?"

Me: "We are studying a great work of art and literature. This is totally legit."

Nick: "You shouldn't say 'legit', Ms. Sefcik."

Me: "I am. Legit. So, what is Antony saying here about Lepidus? What do you do with a donkey once
you've taken off its load?"

Sarah: "You kill it and eat it!"

Me: "What?! No! What kind of horse people are you?"

John: "We're Southern!"


(earlier in the play)

Brad: (as Cassius) "'And when the cross-blue lightning seemed to open the.....breast.....of heaven....(snort, snicker, giggle"

Me: "Okay, Brad, pull it together."

Students: "Hahahahahaha."

Me: "Come on, guys, it's not that funny."

Steve: "He said 'breast!' That's funny!"

Kyle: "HAHAHAHAHA you just said it, too!"

Me: "Oh my god."

Richard: "Ms. Sefcik, it's like a regular Girls Gone Wild episode in here."

Me: "You guys don't laugh at Shakespeare's actual jokes, but you're going to laugh at the word 'breast'?"

Students: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Me: "I give up."


(last period of the day)

In the humorous words of Shakespeare, "ho" is one of the most banal during Shakespeare's time, yet one of the most hilarious for my students. They deliver this word, "ho," not as it is intended (which is to mean "hey there--everybody listen!") but instead as an address--"Hey, 'ho!" or "What's up, my 'ho?"

Sean: (as Cassius) "Stand, 'ho."

Kyle: (as Brutus) "Stand, 'ho."

Students (as soldiers): "Hey, 'ho!" "Ho!" "Stand!"

Random Little Gifts....

Molly: (comes into my room before school this morning) "Look at this jacket that I'm wearing under my BGA jacket." (tries to pull sweatshirt up unsuccessfully) "...ughr......auugrrrrgh......." (finally gets sweatshirt over one shoulder to reveal symbol underneath) "..okay.....SUPERMAN!"

Laine: (before school, randomly talking to me as I frantically try to finish typing a handout) "I can see you being a fortune teller."
Diane: "No, a psychic."
Laine: "With a turban on your head, and one of those fortune balls."


John: (on his way into English class) "I read the modern translation of Julius Caesar last night. It's a lot better than the actual book."


Me: (during a discussion on 'friendship') "What is a true friend?"
Mia: "Someone who listens to you."
Katie: "Helps you when you need it."
Me: "Joe, what did you put?"
Joe: "Someone who will mess around with you."
Class: "hahahahahahaha."
Joe: (mortified) "No, that's not what I meant!"
Jack: "I put 'jack' around with you. Heh heh."
Class: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. ha."
Me: "Oh boy."

On Study Hall....

Me: (seeing two boys wearing their backpacks at their table) "Why aren't you doing anything? Get something out to work on."

John: "I don't have any homework."

Me: "Yes, you do. I gave you English homework today."

John: "Darn it."

Me: "Yeah. Get it out."

Eric: (picks up an Algebra book and begins to 'read' it)

Me: "No. You're not reading an algebra book."

Eric: "but...I have a test on Monday. For real."

Me: "You don't study math by reading it."

John: "Okay, fine."

(two minutes later)

Me: "John, are you in Latin class?"

John: (peeking over the Latin book he's reading) "Ummm"

Me: "Do something that you need to do." (I look behind him to the back table) "Chris, are you reading the dictionary?"

Chris: "What? Of course I am. I'm memorizing it."

Me: "Shenanigans."

Chris: "What does that mean?"

Me: "Look it up. Hahahaha."

Me: "hahahaa. Because you have a dictionary."



Meanwhile, the girls at the back table begin singing:

"Sister Sefcik kissed Brother Manning...she liked the taste of his fishy chapstick..."

Other student: "Ewww."

Anne: (to me) "You should take a stand."

Me: (in actor voice) "I refuse to be treated this way!" (fist punch to the sky)

Diane: "No. Don't do the Shakespeare thing. That just works against you."

On Puns....

It's a new year! Hurrah! The students are back and we are already in the swing. To prepare for our upcoming reading of Julius Caesar, we have been studying puns along with the more traditional Shakespearean grammar/language lessons. For homework last night, I assigned them to write an original pun. The results, you ask? Pretty good.

The Popular Ones:
That vacuum really sucks. (2)

Cheap scissors just don't cut it. (2)

I had a carpentry test yesterday. I nailed it. (3)

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. (3)

The Ones that Don't Make Sense:
The fat lady ate lots of cow.

The comb brushed by.

A man was very hungry so a couple of guys gave him a sandwich. Then the world ended and they created the Hunger Games.

Animal Humor:
The rough bark hurt my ears.

The sad monkey has a very long tale.

The bear was annoyed by the bark.

Come here, deer.

The teacher fish told the bigger fish not to bait the smaller fish with their jokes.

What is the land that has a lot of fins? Finland.

That bear was unbearable making bad jokes.

What did the duck say to the Bartender? Put it on my bill.

The Aspiring:
I learned to knit my own gloves. It really came in handy.

A pilot that carries novels for an author was asked if there was any room on the plane, but he said, "No! We're booked!"

Reading while sun-bathing makes you well RED.

Eye see you.

"I see!" said the blind man, as he took out his hammer and saw.

The tree that's always jealous year-round is an evergreen.

I was reading a book about anti-gravity and I just couldn't seem to put it down.

Did you hear that new ground-breaking song? Yeah, I totally dig it.

Do you want to hear a macaroni joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Two plates were talking--one of them said "food's on me tonight."

What did the cereal say to the crazy tire? You're loopy.

I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but could not find the time.

Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body blown off? He's alright now.

The Truly Questionable...

I'm going to start sniffing glue; I hope I don't get stuck on it.