On Questions about Grading....

John: "Um, Ms. Sefcik?"

Me: "Yes?"

John: "I have a question about my quiz here." (points to second answer on vocab quiz)

Me: "Okay."

John: "Um, well, I know this is messy, but I think you just read it wrong."

Me: "Well, this box has both an 'S' and a 'C' in it, and this box should be an 'E,' but it is an 'S,' so I think it's less of an issue of me reading it wrong as it is of you writing it wrong."

John: "Huh...."

(shown in red arrow below)

On Finding Hidden Treasures....

Me: (speed walking back from copier at break as I notice that the whole academic building is silent) oh man, how did the bell already ring? I was only in here 5 minutes. At least, I thought it was 5 minutes. Jeez. Am I totally losing it?

(seeing two kids peek out of my room at the end of the hall)

Oh boy. I hope they're not killing each other. 

(I walk into the room, relieved to remember that today is SSR day and it is still break)

Jake: "That's the signal!"

(something falls from above on my head)

Me: "What the?!"

Class: (roars laughing)

Me: "Man, and I was just going to congratulate you on how quiet and responsible you're being. Also, why did a whiteboard eraser just fall on my head?"

Lane: (laughing so hard she can barely speak) "It...(gasp)...was on..the..COWBELL!"

Me: "Ummm, okay, well, I guess that was funny. Let's not booby-trap the door anymore, though." (put down the package of dry-erase markers I carried back from the supply room)

Harris: "Ms. Sefcik? Can you write the date on the board for us?"

Me: "Oh, sure." (walk to board and can't find any of my markers. I walk around, puzzled, and then open the new package I brought and write the date on the board)

Meanwhile, the students are dissolving in fits of giggles.

Me: "Okay, what is hilarious? Do I have food on my face or something?"

(one student can't handle it anymore and rolls from his desk to the floor, turning purple from laughing so hard)

Me: (starting to get worried that something is seriously wrong with my appearance)

Kate: "The markers!"

Me: "Where are all the markers?"

Nathan: (points at the marker tray under the whiteboard)

Me: (confused, I bed down) "Oh-kay, hilarious guys." (I pull the marker that has been carefully taped under the tray off and go to write with it, only to find that the cap has been securely taped to the marker itself) "Wowwww."

(After careful examination of the rest of the room, I discover that all of my markers have both been sealed shut and taped under various pieces of furniture. I've been PUNK'D.)

On Home-Made Comics....

The assignment:

In a comic strip, summarize the events of Uglies up to what you've read so far.

One creative boy's work:

On Why Bathrooms Have Locks....

Spent all last week with the 7th graders in the woods of Brevard, NC (just outside Asheville). It is actually the precise location of where the filming of The Hunger Games took place, and I'd like to think that I starred in my own version of the Hunger Games last week....minus the hunger, plus about 50 more kids. My costars?

Daniel K...........Child Wrangler/Economy Van Driver
Dennis..............Keeper of the Skittles
Daniel B...........Fire Spinning Lion Tamer
Ally..................Funshine Care Bear/Unicorn Handler/Magical Caffeine Dispenser

And the students:

ML..................KlutzMaster of Disaster
CB...................My Spastic MiniMe
CW..................The Quiet One
JW...................What's That Again?
AH..................The Pharmacy
MK..................Dude
MR..................Sweet Guy Posing as Tough Guy
GL...................Chatty Kathy
NF...................Waaaaaaaaaaay Out of Her Comfort Zone
CP...................Giggles
ES....................The Walking Red Cross Tent


Initial Excitement
We backpacked out the first night at camp. To give you an idea, the base camp is set up with a bunch of tents in a field. On one end, there is a camp fire circle covered with tarps--that is where the caffeine and food come from. On the other end, there is a small, concrete bathroom with latrine-style toilets (1 men's and 1 women's).

Campfire Side on far end.

To go out to the backcountry, as it is called, one must first pack one's tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, group food, and clothing in a backpack. Of course, my group did not even get half packed before a food explosion occurred in someone's pack. A giant baggie full of orange Gatorade mix created a small hurricane of dust that settled all over this poor girl's clothes as well as several unfortunate people's tents/cooking utensils. Let me tell you something about Gatorade powder--that shit gets everywhere. I'm talking every single crevice covered in powder. If it would have rained at that moment, it is very likely that at least one of us may have gotten to experience the thrill of those athletes in the Gatorade commercials who literally sweat orange Gatorade. It may have been awesome. 

After shaking out everything in the bag, repacking the supplies, and restocking on Gatorade powder, we were on our way in the van. With minimal effort, I managed to convince my entire group that it would be very cool and not at all lame to attempt to recreate the Harvard Baseball team's rendition of "Call Me Maybe" when our fearless leaders, Dennis and Daniel, asked us all to put "knuckles up for buckles up" on the roof of the van. 

Me: "Hey guys. Look at me. Who am I?" (imitating the Call Me Maybe dance with my fists)

ML: "A crazy T-rex!"

Me: "No." (still excited) "Hey, I just met you.....and this is CRAAAAZY..."

CB: "And here's my numberrrrrr......so call me baby."

Me: "GIRRRL, oh no she did NOT just say BABY!"

JW: "It's maybe."

CB: "I meant 'maybe'! I meant 'maybe'!"

(Daniel and Dennis preparing to enter van after securing backpacks to trailer)

Me: "Guys, seriously. We have to do this. Everybody participate." 

MK: "I don't want to do it."

Me: "It will be hilarious. Just do it. Stop whining."

Group: "Hey, I just met you....and this is crazy.....so here's my number.....CALL ME MAYBE!!!!!"

Me: "That was awesome."

CB: "Not really."

Me: "You're wrong."

I climbed this:

Abnormally Large Body Parts 

Upon entering the woods after picking up our backpacks, we managed to make it approximately twenty yards before two kids had to stop and tie shoes, and a variety of other little mishaps prevented us from moving. When we got to a clearing about 40 min later, we had the task of coming up with our group name. 

Daniel: "Okay. While Dennis is scouting our campsite a little bit ahead of us, we need to come up with a group name that the other groups will call us during our big campfire later this week. Does anyone have any ideas?"

AH: "The Fantastic Fourteen."

CB: "Wolf pack."

CW: "Howling Owls."

ES: "I don't know."

MK: "The Big Calves."

Me: "Like cows?"

(rest of students: "hahahahahahaha")

MK: "No, like calves--on your legs." 

(rest of students: "ahahahahahahaha")

(Daniel and Me: shrug.)

Daniel: "Okay, let's keep going."

GL: "The Big Triceps."

NF: "The Freaking Falcons."

Me: "What about the Streaking Falcons?"

NF: "No! Then people are going to think we're streaking, like, with our clothes off!"

Me: "Okay, sorry! Mine is Ninja Penguins!"

MR: "Bonzai."

Daniel: "Alright, let's vote on one of the top four that got the most noise. It's going to come down to.....The Fantastic Fourteen..."

(some raised hands)

Daniel: "The Big Calves..."

(lots of raised hands

Daniel: "Ninja Penguins..."

(zero raised hands)

Daniel: "Annnnd, The Freaking Falcons."

(some raised hands)

Daniel: "The Big Calves it is, then."

General Outcry: "Woooohooooooo! Yeahhhh!"

Now, let's just say, I had no idea at that point why they wanted to be The Big Calves so much (and I'm still actually a little fuzzy on the inside-joke details that prompted that decision), but I will say that Dennis, Daniel, and myself all have fairly sizable calves and absolutely ZERO of the students have anything resembling calves on their skinny little twig legs. Nevertheless, they made up a quite catchy song that went something like this: 

"1, 2, we have big calves! 3, 4, we have big calves! 5, 6, we have big calves! 7, 8, we have big calves! 9, 10, we have triceps!" (and repeat)

They sang this as a marching chant whenever we moved anywhere as a group, which I'm sure created heaps of confusion for anyone watching their chopstick legs and arms pass by. 

My tent:

The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Teaching Career

Sooo...for those of you with ADD, you may have missed the part above where I described the bathroom facilities at this particular camp. One cement latrine-style toilet for each of the sexes. When shared between 100 people, there can be quite a long line at some points. Even so, it is leaps and bounds better than the toilet situation in the backwoods area, which is to say, nonexistent. 

There is actually a "poop kit" that consists of toilet paper, a brown bag, and Excalibur, a bright orange beach shovel. You use Excalibur to dig a poop hole and pack out your toilet paper. EWWWWWW! Do I even need to mention that when I go on this trip, I don't poop for three days. It's like my body sees Excalibur and says, "Noooope. No thank you. Not happening. No poop for you."

So this year, when I found out I was going on the backpacking trip the first night, I figured I was home-free. I thought my backcountry bathroom worries would be all gone. Did not realize that the worst thing would be waiting for me right at that stupid cement latrine. 

It was after evening meeting one night and we were all getting ready for the camp fire. I, being a responsible adult, forgot my flashlight, so I was stumbling around the field, following the lights of some of the students. I managed to find the bathroom, where three girls were standing outside, waiting for one who was in the Women's bathroom. 

Me: "Hi girls. Are you all waiting to use the bathroom?"

Girl: "No, we're just waiting for someone in there."

Me: "Is anyone in the Men's room?"

Girl: "No."

Me: "Oh, well, then, I'll just go in there and we'll be done twice as fast! And then I can walk back with you because I don't have a flashlight!"

Girl: "Okay."

Me: (open the men's room door, quite satisfied with my plan)

From the Darkness in the Men's Room: "AHHHHRRRHGGHHHhhhhhhhHHHHH!" (scream of anguish)

Me: "WHOA! Sorry!" (slam door shut/throw up arms/turn around)

(silence)

Me: "It's dark, you know, so I didn't see anything."

(silence)

Me: "Austin? Why didn't you lock the door?"

Austin: "I didn't know the door had a lock." 

(silence)

(Austin walks out of bathroom)

Me: "Austin? Next time, lock the door."

Austin: "Yeah."

(awkward silence)

Girl: "That was embarrassing."

Me: "Yeah."

On the Obvious...

GH: "Do we have to do the ones that are scratched out?"

Me: "Seriously?"

GH: "Well, it's hard to read them."

On the Class After Lunch....

Upon seeing me hold my head briefly after lunch:
Jake: (in exaggerated stage whisper) "Hey! She has a headache! We're supposed to be quiet."

Meg: "She never said she had a headache. She said her head hurt."

Ben: "It's the same thing, Meg."

Anne: "Shhhhhhhh."

Max: "SHHHH!"

Me: "You know, if all of you people who are trying to quiet down the rest of the people would actually just stop talking, the room would be a lot less noisy."


Writing Prompt--"If my parents had to spend a week as 8th graders, they would..."
John: "They'd fail. J/k they'd do 'aight'."

Kate: "They would be in a very bad mood all the time and they would die because I wouldn't help them with their homework."

Tyler: "My dad would barely be able to pass, because he's so disorganized. But my mom might do okay."



On the front whiteboard:

George: "Is the answer to the trivia question 1 1/2?"

Mandy: "That's the date, George."



(I hear a desk tip over at the back of the room)

Me: "Not cool. What are you guys doing?"

Peter: "I'm sorry. He had a frappucino that looked appetizing."

Me: "I understand--you have no self control. Sit down. Andy, why am I always telling you to sit down?"

Andy: "Peter attacked me."

Peter: "It's true. I did."


Completely out of nowhere:
Peter: "Sometimes I wish I was a midget so I could do funny things. Like go into a McDonald's on stilts. You know."

Andy: "haha."

Peter: "There was this guy sitting at a bar and then another midget comes in and sits next to her. They're dating because it's a guy and a girl. Then a third midget walks in and says 'that's my girl!' and they all get into a fight, and the paramedics walk in....and they're all midgets."

Andy: "Hahahahaha."

On Bloodsucking Tigers...

If you read the post "On Gender Equality..." click the link below to watch this HILARIOUS video that one of the students from that class made using the audio clip from the debate and Flash.

If you haven't yet read "On Gender Equality" go here first (On Gender Equality...) and THEN click on this link and watch the video.

Bloodsucking Tigers Video

On the Finer Points of Discussion....

Me: "So, which choices does Tally make that show her immaturity?"

Collin: "She sneaks out of Uglyville."

Me: "And that proves she's immature because..."

Collin: "Because she sneaks out of Uglyville."

Me: "Oh, I understand much better now."




(when questioned on why he's not writing notes down)

Mark: "What if we know it in our head?"

Me: "I don't trust your head--your head's a spaghetti strainer for all I know."

Mark: "I trust your head."

Me: "Well, I trust my head, too."



Me: "What do you say if you hear a 5th or 6th grader saying something mean about themselves or another person in the hallway? Do you ever stop them?"

Clay: "No."

(general student agreement)

Me: "Well, not to preach to you all, but that's where you can really make a difference in the way someone feels. (growing into a passionate speech) You never know how much you can change someone's---"

(bell rings"

Me: (shouting now) "someone's feelings! Just remember that when you walk down the halls...(students walking out)....ok no one's listening. Good talk, guys! Nice talking to you, too. Bye."

On a Few Gems....

Here are a few little funnies:


Me: "Look at your handout on Copley's Portrait of Mr. and Mrs. Mifflin."

Gray: "I didn't get one of those."

Me: "It's on the back of Watson and the Shark."

Gray: "Oh, really? How'd you get it on the back?"

Me: "Double-sided printing."

Gray: "You can do that?"

Me: "Oh yeah."

Gray: "Is it hard?"

Me: "I mean, it's complicated, but....I'm a master. Wait til you see what I can do with a hole puncher."



Me: "What do you know about Thomas Jefferson?"

Audrey: "He created the light bulb."



Me: "Guess what? Watson and the Shark is based on a real event! Let's say one of you..."

Justin: "Ooooooh me!"

Me: "Okay, Justin is attacked by a shark--"

Justin: "Whrraaggooalllaaaaaahhhhhk!"

Me: "Oh. Sound effects. Even better."