On Honey Boo Boo Chile....

God help me, I wish that circumstances would never have led me to stumble upon the train wreck called "Honey Boo Boo." How did it happen? Well....

Me: "We are about to watch something seriously disturbing. Has anyone seen the show Toddlers & Tiaras?"

Harris: "Oh, that show is sick!"

Zach: "That's not even the worst one--have you seen Honey Boo Boo?"

Liz: "Oh my gosh! We have to watch Honey Boo Boo, Ms. Sefcik!"

Kyle: (in exaggerated southern girl voice) "'Honey Boo Boo chile don't need no luck 'cuz Honey Boo Boo gon' get that crown!"

Me: "I don't even know what you just said."

Megan: "I. LOVE. HONEY BOO BOO."

Amanada: "Ew. She is so disgusting. How can you like her?"

Megan: "Watching that show makes me feel smarter."

Me: "Okay, right there! Why would watching the show make you feel smart? What do these shows tell children in our society?"

John: "If you grow up with crazy parents you're going to become insane."


(turn on beginning of Honey Boo Boo)

Ashley: "Ahhhh! There she is!"

Justin: "That girl drinks, like, 5 energy drinks every day."

(girl in video twists around and flails head wildly)

Katie: "She looks like the exorcist."

Me: "She looks like she needs an exorcist. How can you even watch this?"

Tim: "Haha because it's so funny."

(general agreement)

Me: "This is like child abuse recorded on film."

Ashley: "Do you know what's in her Go-Go juice?"

Megan: "I heard they put Mountain Dew and coffee."

John: "This is my favorite part."

(girl on TV grabs her stomach fat and pushes it around, screeching "this is what I show the judges!")

Me: "Annnnd I'm done."