On SSR...

Me: (walking into classroom five minutes after break starts) "Oh, you guys are so good! Look at you, sitting down and all quiet. I'm so impressed."

Mr. Stewart: (stands up by toaster in back of room) "What? They're only quiet because I'm in here." (takes his Pop-tarts from toaster and walks out)

Me: "I am so not impressed anymore."

Alex: "I don't have a book."

Me: "How can you not have a book? We've been talking about this for two weeks now. First SSR day is Friday, make sure you have a book for Friday, hey guys don't forget about SSR on Friday...."

Justin: "I don't have a book either."

Me: "You've got to be kidding me."

(both find books on the shelf in the room)

(John and Kyle begin talking in back of room)

Me: "Hey. Open your books and start reading."

John: (turns head to opposite side of room and continues whispering) "shsooeupppphhhs.."

Kyle: (also turns head and keeps whispering) "lskiehoopppprrish...."

Me: "Oh, obviously if you turn your heads to the left, I can't see you anymore."

Kyle: "Oh. Sorry."

John: "Wait...really?"

Me: "Yes, I've suddenly gone blind. Seriously. I can't see."

Reagan: "So you can't see me right now?"

Me: "Reagan? Is that you?"

Addy: "I have an idea--how about we make you a scavenger hunt and hide your stuff around the room?"

Me: "I have an idea--how about you STOP TALKING and READ."

Kyle: "I knew she was faking."